nothing to do with me
April 13, 2006,
That's the refrain of my brain these days. No matter what the situation--professional, personal, political, cultural, or what have you--I feel divorced from it. Separate. A passerby, barely noticing what's going on around me.
It's nothing to do with me.
Everything is level with me, emotionally. But it feels like everything is surface only. Maybe I'm just not used to what it feels like, being neither way up or way down. But it can be disconcerting--being unhappy, yet curiously detached from that feeling. I feel intellectually, but not emotionally, sad. I guess the best way to describe it would be that I am sad, but I don't feel sad.
Very odd. But for some reason, I don't feel very concerned about it.
Okay. I admit it. Ms. "I Don't Watch TV" is hooked on a show. "Big Love", no less. I watched the premiere out of curiosity about the subject matter, and I never dreamed it would go further (considering how I feel about Bill Paxton and Chloe Sofugny™).But damn. Jeanne Triplehorn, Grace Zabriskie, Bruce Dern, Mary Kay Place, and Harry Dean Stanton are just so caa--razy good.
And the funny thing is--I'm staying hooked, even though I keep forgetting to watch! Thank you, Television Without Pity.
It's weird to be into a show after so long. I'm totally out of practice at making sure I catch it. And since this is HBO, and the show runs about five times a week, I appear to be a particularly pathetic case.
I brought some of my gear to work and did some beading at lunch time. Simple re-stringing, but it was enjoyable to sit outside at a picnic table and fiddle with my beads for a while. Took the edge off the day a bit.And let me say, the day needed de-edging.
Doodly notes from my pat, scribbled during today's (endless) meetings:
- I'm not a happy person
- I am not a business person!
- I am A GEEK!
- I hate people
- There are more stupid people in the world than there are smart ones
- This sucks donkey balls
- I hate THESE people
- Meetings are my personal nightmare
- I hope there's a bullet with my name on it
- This has nothing to do with me
Since I passed out on the couch last night and didn't get this finished, I'm going to just let it go and put it up under yesterday's date.
Reading: "Photo Finish", by Ngaio Marsh.
Listening: XM, "On Broadway". Sondheim, Larson (Jonathan), Puccini, Brooks and Morris, Stewart and Lehman.
Beading: Repair job on one of my survivor bracelets, and adapting a phone charm holder to accommodate interchangeable charms--this is all "warranty work" for a customer.
One Year Ago, I was prescient.
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