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fight or flight or rollover and give up
December 17, 2015, 7:13 P.M.
Does anyone know how I can make myself learn and retain a shitload of highly technical, non-intuitive skills, on a subject I don't know, understand, or even give a shit about?
Also, I need to be able to work effectively and closely with a spoiled, narcissistic, vicious, vindictive bully who has driven a number of really good people straight out of the company, so if anyone has a magic solution to that one, please forward it at once!
Because if I don't do these things, I'm going to be out of a job. And--as bad as that place is--I'm too old, tired, and depressed to ever find anything even half that good anywhere else.
We had a holiday luncheon yesterday, with another one of those white elephant things. I had better luck with what I brought than with what I got--my gift was appreciated by the recipient, and then "stolen" when another person's turn came.
I, in turn, got to draw when there were only 3 things left on the table, and the object I ended up with was a hideous piece of mom-style tat that I wouldn't ever want in a gazillion years. One of those "inspirational wall art" atrocities that empty-headed women hang on their walls so they can pretend they are "all spiritual and profound, 'n' stuff". This one was particularly galling, because it was not only sickeningly soppy on the subject of friends, but dragged the concept of friendship through a big steaming pile of godbaggery, to boot.
Speaking of godbaggery--I had to make my friends all sad this week, by declining their invitation to be a part of their wedding ceremony. They asked me to do a reading, but since this time it's a religious (Episcopal) ceremony, it would be a bible reading. Naturally, I had to refuse, due to my beliefs--or lack thereof. (And Great Googly Moogly--I did all that shit thirteen years ago, anyway! Pick on somebody else this time around!)
In other depressing and demoralizing news--after I switched my dental insurance to a PPO plan, based on the fact that Spouse's dentist was in Network...he dropped out. And as much as I'm paying for the upgraded coverage, I DO NOT want toend up with an even shittier benefit that I had with the plain dental plan. So now we both have to find new dentists who are in the network--and the only ones around K-town seem to be those storefront-chain, "drill & fill mill" places like Forward and Aspen. FML. Or at least, FMT(eeth).
Still no tree. I feel like Christmas should be over by now, anyway, so I'm finding it harder and harder to care. I try to get a good early start, in order to take some of the pressure off, but I really just don't have it in me to "celebrate" a holiday for more than a couple of weeks. And I'm never going to be able to enjoy Christmas like non-damaged people do. My Christmas is more of a "going through the motions, and checking stuff off of a list" holiday.
So since I've been working on Christmas stuff for nearly a month, and pretty much everything I enjoy is checked off of my list, I feel...well...DONE.
Reading: "Ruth Fielding Down in Dixie; or Great Times in the Land of Cotton" (1916), by Alice B. Emerson. Mainly because I can't get into anything else right now, so I just keep plugging through the 'Ruthies'.
Listening: Back on the Christmas music; a little Kristen Chenoweth, a little Harry Connick Jr., a little "Yogi Yorgesson". But mostly, "Fairytale of New York".
Inked Up: Still enjoying Bülow X450/Kosomosu and the Waterman/Kon Peki combinations, when I get the chance.
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