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sickness
March 26, 2015
Slogging through this crud is rather a battle. I am inclined to think it's more of a bacterial sinus
infection than just a cold. Still, I'm making progress. I've been diligently applying my personal
suite of treatment options--force fluids, plenty of tea with honey, lemon, and ginger, real
chicken soup (thank you Spouse for your homemade wonderdrug!), hot showers, oil of
peppermint for congestion, aspirin for body aches, and--it's not pretty, but it helps--plenty of
spitting and nose-blowing. Took some Alka-Seltzer Cold & Cough before bed and dabbed
peppermint oil under my nostrils, so I slept a bit better last night, and when I woke up this
morning, my head felt a lot clearer.
Not over it by a long shot, though. I felt pretty wonky on the drive to work this morning, and
when I pulled into my parking space & turned off the car, I reached over to tuck my keys in
my purse...and woke up 5 minutes later. Whew! Probably should have stayed home with this
one, but I am pushing it on sick time, and I had some meetings I really couldn't miss.
Weirdly, even when it's at its worst, I still feel better if I'm actively engaged in something
(hence all the posts this week) or even up and moving around. it's when I have to sit still or lie
down that I have the most trouble.
I will feel relieved once this car thing is finished--I got word yesterday that the loan was
approved, and this morning the notice that they cut the check and I should have it in 2-3
business days. I just want to get the car paid for and get it off my neck. Stuff like that makes
me edgy and irritated--basically buying something before you have the money in your hand is
against everything I was always taught.
Speaking of money, Spouse got another raise at work--and a pretty darn good one, considering
he has only been there about seven months. This is the annual raise, and he was told that you
have to be there for a full year or more in order to get more than 3%. He got 2.9%, so they
must think pretty highly of him.
I think they do, on the whole. He seems to be considered an asset and a problem solver--both
in fixing tools and in dealing with the customers. He has become the go-to guy for a lot of
sticky situations and problem service clients. And I think he likes that. He has been having a
rough week, though--new phone system, inventory time, a couple of PITA clients. Glad he was
able to get some positive news.
Got a text message from W today--typically cryptic. T's in the locked ward again. That's it. No
details as to circumstances. Not sure what she wants me to do with the information. It's not
like I can send her flowers or go visit her. Maybe W needs me--but she'd never come out and
ask.
I try to be patient with T, and understanding. I know she has a mental illness, and I sympathize
with that. Being in the same boat myself, I empathize. But with her, it is the insecurity that
takes the forefront. And I'm hopeless with that. I lack the sensitivity and patience to pick up
on and to deal with her constant need for reassurance. And I know I'm not alone.
When it comes to high-maintainance friends like T, a lot of people do. Insecurity is so
voracious. It eats up the insecure and everyone around them. It's the old circle-jerk: If you go
around moaning incessantly about how nobody likes you and you have no friends--well, if it
isn't true at the beginning, it is in the end. It wears people out. They work and work and work
to convince you of something that you will never believe, and eventually they get so tired and
fed up that they walk away. They are the ones who end up getting convinced--convinced that
you would rather believe the sob story you tell yourself than the people who care about you.
THEY feel like a failure, because they couldn't convince you that you are worthwhile. And of
course, the minute they walk away, they've reinforced your low opinion of yourself.
The thing I've never been able to understand is why, if they are consumed by self-doubt, they
always remain wedded to their own notions about self-worth.
Reading:
"The Beautiful Miss Brooke" (1897), by "Z.Z." (Louis Zangwill)
Listening:
REM, Lorde, Bob Dylan, U2
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