this is supposed to give me more energy...
July 09, 2012

In order to be able to afford my health insurance at work, I have to participate in a bunch of "wellness" programs that they inflict on us by dangling the carrot of premium discounts. In the past, it has been relatively simple--a worksite screening, an online tutorial, and an online health risk assessment.

But now, we have a new CEO. My pet name for him DICK-O-RAMA. And suddenly, we have to do all that stuff, PLUS we actually have to go to the doctor's office instead of getting our screening at work, and ON TOP of all that, we have to participate in a 12-week program that is supposed to "reduce stress", and give us all "more energy". In this program, we have to engage in all kinds of healthy behaviors, and log them daily on a website.
Here's the list:
--30+ minutes of excercise daily. We get a certain number of points for that, but in order to get ALL the points, we have to exercise in the morning.
--Five short breaks a day, for breathing, stretching, etc.
--We get points for eating breakfast...but only if we eat it within two hours of rising.
--We have to comsume the following every day: 4 servings veg, 3 servings fruit, 3 servings whole grains, and 5 large glasses of water.
--We have to get 7-9 hours of sleep a night.

Now much of that is next to impossible, of course, given my (here's irony) WORK schedule and additional waking hours I spend supporting that work schedule, plus my aversion to all foods in the morning and the fact that my body will only sleep for 6 hours a night. But it is, in theory, a regimen people could follow that would be reasonably healthy, and for many people, would be achievable.

But that's only the half of it.

I am supposed to WRITE A PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT (presumably without puking on my shoes).
And on a daily basis, I am also expected to do the following:
--do "structural planning" (this means writing out a daily, prioritized schedule) --practice "meaningful connection" (a/k/a "INTJ Hell"--connect with another human being in a personal way).
--practice "active relaxation"...whatever that may be...I've no idea, even after reading the documetation. I'm going to count my deep breathing pauses that I take anyway.
--Here it is starting to get seriously squicky: meditation, introspection, prayer. I mean, healthy practice or not--is it REALLY my company's business if I do any of this? (I'm going to go back to listening to stop-smoking hypnosis recordings and count that.)
--Volunteering. How many damned hours do they think we get in one friggin' day?
--Express gratitude. Now they are just fucking with me.
--Keep a journal. Well. Bonus. I'm actually getting credit for this pissed-off rant.

What really burns me, I guess, is the half-assed, Oprah-esque rationale behind some of this stuff. "Uh, there was this study that said people who got involved with volunteering were happier and less stressed and um...everybody should volunteer.

No. People who volunteer are happier because they are DOING SOMETHING THEY ENJOY. Something they chose to do, BECAUSE it fulfills them! THAT is why they are happier and healthier. People feel better after they pray do so because they deludedly think that they have handed their problems over to their imaginary omniscient friend.

And another thing. People who feel recharged from connecting with others on a personal level are called "EXTROVERTS". As in "the fucking complete and total opposite of me".

So, to sum up, this kind of stuff really bugs me and I hatehatehate it. Sure, I could skip it. Nobody is forcing me to participate; strictly voluntary here. But I can't really afford to pay face value for my health insurance premiums, so it suddenly becomes more of a Hobson's Choice. And I could just log on everyday, check off a bunch of shit I had no intention of doing, and say too bad, suckas--but that doesn't jibe with who I am, so that isn't really a choice either.

I wish I could just not take this crap to heart.