to the bone
June 29, 2012

I've had an exhausting week--starting with last weekend. Spouse's family invited themselves to the house for a pool party on Sunday, which meant I had extra cleaning, errands, cooking, and miscellaneous hostessing to do. Not that P&E don't pull their weight, party-wise, but that stuff still takes its toll on me. And Justin brought those two younger kids of his "friend"--the one who he lusts after and who just uses him mercilessly. He calls his them "godsons", but I have no doubt that's merely an honoriffic--not that I really mind a couple of kids, but he always sneaks them in, like I wouldn't say okay if he just came out and said "Can I bring them over to swim?"

And then I had another potluck event--Summer Fun Day at work--on Wednesday. (I won a new set of grill tools and a "Barbecue Basket" in the bingo game, so that was kinda fun--the second year in a row I've won a prize in that.)

But wait--there's more! I had still ANOTHER event on Wednesday evening, with a pool & picnic get-together to celebrate T's birthday.

Which was cut short by a tearful call from my cousin in AZ, telling me that they are probably going to cancel the funeral in Iowa. Auntie is not doing very well, I'm afraid, and this heartbreaking news did more to wear me out than anything else, I think.

This is in addition to my last remaining Great-Aunty, who is in the hospital and feeling pretty poorly. At 91, every trip to the hospital is a big concern.

Plus, work has been an intense, full-on battle-to-the-death, including mid-year reviews, which are incredibly stressful even when they go phenomenally well--which this one did, I'm very proud to say. But in addition to the work, the news has come down that they are making us jump through more hoops than ever in order to get a break on the health insurance premiums. we have to participate in four different programs now, and this year, we can't even get our free screening at work--we have to go to the doctor for it. Technically, it is still "free" (covered at 100%), but they know full well that a lot of people will skip it if they can't do it at work.

Then there is the weather, which has brought another heat-wave down to wear me out. I don't handle that well; never did. The Pool only helps so much--I haven't felt much like swimming, anyway. I never realized I hated the outdoors so much. I never really liked being outside, but evidently all those years of going out to smoke convinced me I din't mind it too terribly. Without the cigarettes, "outdoors" doesn't seem to offer much.

I know this is a whiny post, about stuff nobody has a right to complain about. I mean I just spent several paragraphs bitching about swimming, parties, winning prizes, friends, family, employment, my boss appreciating me, and having health insurance. First World Problems much?

But here's the thing: I'm sucked dry. The thing that is hardest to understand about Introverts is that even when we are having fun, we are being depleted. Good experiences feed something in us, but even as they nourish us they are sapping our energy. And I have just had too many things pulling at me this week to be able to truly appreciate any of them.