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cause & effect
October 27, 2010
I was reading back through my diary the other day, and realized something. I don't use this thing to bitch about work nearly as much as I used to.
And that got me thinking about the reasons that might be so.
What I came up with is this: I don't bitch about it as much because I just don't care about it as much. I used to get passionate about what I did because I loved it, but that just isn't the case anymore. Once they began moving me around, and control of my career moved from my hands to the organization's whim, I just lost interest. My brain just can't rationalize taking the trouble to learn, get interested in, and get passionate about stuff when a sudden focus shift can be suddenly forced on me by others, and just as quickly shifted again. I'm not wired that way. And I'm not wired to get upset about it, either--I just lose interest in the whole process.
It doesn't help that the depression can be fed by this sort of situation, and, in turn, can fuel a furthering of disinterest. It's a downward spiral powered by the constant, overwhelming knowledge that you are someone else's bitch in this world, and autonomy will never be yours.
Why am I dwelling on this now? Must be the horrors of group business travel looming large. I have enough trouble learning things I'm genuinely interested in, while I'm lodged deep within my comfort zone. But I leave next week for a business trip that I am really dreading. Nothing will make me feel more trapped and helpless than being dragged through airports, forced onto planes, shuttled around in vans, and tortured by hours of classes in subject I have no interest in learning.
Well, there we are. A sizable chunk of work-related bitching to carry me for a while.
Spouse got a wild hair up his ass Sunday morning, and decided to try and get the new range hood installed.
After hours of screwing around, trying one thing and another, he reached the inevitable conclusion that it couldn�t be done. You just can�t install new things in an old house without making tons of modifications.
The one thing he did manage to achieve was to knock loose the venting pipe that runs up through the attic crawlspace and out the roof. So on top of everything else, we have to get some help getting it hooked back up again. P will come over next Saturday and brave the crawlspace, but that situation has bred another unsavory mess that must be dealt with.
Because the attic access is inside a closet.
The closet of Hell.
A small closet, full to the brim with years carefully avoided crap. Old clothes, shoes, purses, and assorted junk that I have shoved in there and put out of my mind, rather than dealing with it.
But until it is dealt with, there will be no way in the world to get into that attic and fix the vent. And meanwhile, the howling winds of the past few days are creating a huge draft down through the gaping hole, bringing dust and crap down from the attic and directly onto my cooktop. Really makes you want to cook, huh?
Also a victim of the howling gale: the siding on the gable of my house. Got home from work to find a big chunk creaking & flapping. Spouse and I got out the ladder, and did the expedient thing of popping a nail through it and hammering it down. Probably not the smart thing on 40-year-old aluminum siding, but hey--it isn't creaking & flapping anymore.
I am officially done with my 22 months of NextHELL phone service and the steaming pile of crap in the shape of a phone that was my Motorola i670. As of today, I'm back with the good witch of the family (Sprint), and moving up to qwerty keyboard world with another sweet red LG--the Lotus Elite. It was the best of this round of Sprint freebies, according to what I culled from the 'net. Spouse got the LG Remarq, because he wanted the slide-out style. Me-I like the clam-shell style for a purse.
Plus, the Lotus Elite was the only one I'd actually seen in person. My seatmate on the way home from Phoenix had one, and let me look it over. I think we'll be very happy together.
Reading: Hobby--"Marjorie's Vacation" (1907) and "Marjorie's Busy Days" (1908), by Carolyn Wells
General--An old issue of "Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine" (September/Ocotber 1999)
Surfing: .
Listening: Stevie Wonder, Stone Temple Pilots, Feist, Peter Gabriel
At Random:
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