look out! she�s gonna blow!
September 03, 2009

I love him, I understand that he�s devastated by this, I�m trying to be supportive, and I truly do appreciate the stuff he�s doing around the house.

BUT.

I�m not getting any re-charge to my batteries with him there in the evenings. The TV is always on, LOUD. And he talks All. The. Time. TV�s on, but he�s talking. I try to go on the �net, and he�s yammering away. I go in the other room, and he�s hollering to me.

He�s�there. Unavoidable. Sucking away my time and my energy. My usual routines disrupted, my lovely little evening to-do lists going undone.

And it�s only been a few days. Which preys on my mind and stresses me out further, because I know myself. People tell me �oh, it�ll take a little time to get used to�. Here�s the thing: I don�t get used to things. SID doesn�t work that way. Sensory defensives just get more and more jangled and crazy-feeling the longer the trigger situation goes on. I had a situation going which, while not perfect, enabled me to get enough solitude and quiet to keep me banging along. But it�s a delicate creature, and takes a lot of effort to maintain and not much to upset it. Now it�s totally shot to hell, and I can�t figure out a way to get what I desperately need.

Last night, I gave up trying to deal and just crawled under the bedclothes at 8:00 pm. Wrapped myself up good and tight in heavy blankets, turned out the light, and tuned out the world. Since my going to bed was a pretty strong signal for him the STFU, he finally did, for the most part. I could still hear him talking to the dog occasionally. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep as soon as my stress had eased a bit.

And that worked, I guess. I certainly felt better this morning. But I can�t get away with that every night.