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it's only money. right?
February 01, 2009
Spouse is out of the house at the moment, meeting his brothers for breakfast. I got up this morning and got the chores started, cleaning up the slightly messy kitchen, baking this week�s batch of cookies for Spouse, and starting the laundry.
It�s being a rather quiet weekend, since I didn�t have to work Saturday and Spouse is exhausted from all the shift-changing. We ran out for a while yesterday, to pick up some odds and ends at Wally�s, Woody�s and the bookstore. We had lunch at Texas Roadhouse, and we both took a nice nap in the afternoon.
I had planned to do a little conspicuous consumption this weekend, since my paycheck was nice and fat from all the overtime and the lack of deductions. But I went over to W &T�s house Friday night for a game night, and guess what?
They�re broke. Sub-broke, even. An overdraft in their checking account, necessitating a funds transfer from their mortgage account to cover, thus leaving them short for the mortgage this month.
In other words, desperately needing a loan.
Well, as HST famously said, �All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet�. So now I�m the one who is broke--temporarily, anyway. Until (who knows when that will be) they can pay me back.
It�s not like this is normal for W. She�s a money-management shark. But T�s never-ending medical bills and frequent inability to work are killing them. And this time, it took them a little too close to the bone. I don�t want to see W fuck up her sterling credit rating with a late mortgage payment. But I get a little worried, because the only other time I floated her a loan, I ended up just forgiving it after a year or so, when it became clear she wasn�t going to be able to pay me back.
And yet, I can�t say no to a friend in need. W is my soul-sister and best friend, and I just can�t stand to see her in trouble, when I have it within my means to help. To sit there and watch her sob her heart out over this (Girlfriend is NOT a crier) just wipes me out. Everything in me screams �Help her!�.
It�s not without emotional complications for me. They do spend more money than I think is conscionable on non-essentials. There is, in my opinion, no need for two people on their rather limited income to spend money on ridiculously expensive Japanese dolls and accessories, trips half-way across the country to see obscure rock bands in concert, and excess electronics (they did NOT need a desktop AND a laptop). Especially when they need plumbing repairs, a new kitchen range, and can�t pay their mortgage!
And it�s very hard not to judge people for that kind of thing. Especially T, who, despite major health problems and a miniscule paycheck, seems to think she is entitled to all kinds of whimsical fucking fun. I was not raised to believe I deserved to be rewarded if I didn�t contribute. I was raised to believe that I was not the most important person in my own life. So it�s hard to get my mind around her whole little fantasy world.
Well, that�s what a diary is for, I guess. I can think this stuff, and write it down, and get it out of my system, at least a little bit. And if I can put it aside, I can be the kind of friend I need to be in order to live with myself.
Reading: �The Moving Finger�, by Agatha Christie. Went to the bookstore yesterday; found that right rarity, an Agatha Christie I don�t already have. For $4.98 in hardcover, yet.
Surfing: Glark.
Listening: The Pixies, Garbage, Jack Johnson.
At Random: click here
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