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flunking tests
January 29, 2009
Which tests?
CES-D
Goldberg
Beck
QIDS-R
Wakefield
I went to update my reading/surfing/listening section, and then read back what I'd put in, and it gave me a jolt. Because--"not enough interest", "mind isn't on it", and "I've pretty much given up trying"? Those are some fairly huge clues, right there.
So I ran through some of the standard assessments, and found myself flunking all of them. And not just barely flunking them,either. BIG-time depression.
I suppose I can't avoid it now. I need to go to the doctor again. But taking them all one after another really made me realize two things--one: they all harp about feeling "sad", and two: none of them really address the aspect of depression that isn't about feeling sad and seeing things as hopeless, but about feeling nothing, and seeing things as pointless. Believe me--I've felt both ways, and there is a distinct difference.
And here's something else that bugs me about the tests--their validity in times of great social turmoil. Obviously, I'm not going to score very well on a question about feeling optimistic towards the future, when civilization is doing its damnedest to collapse around us all right now.
Here's something weird. I dreamt I had a blog called "Pointing Out People Pointing Out the Bleeding Obvious". And that's what I did. Any time a media source ran an item that stated something that was painfully obvious, I called them on it. Apparently, there were enough of these situations, and they were lucrative enough, for this to be my main job. And...I was thinking of starting a spin-off blog called "Pointing Out People Missing the Bleeding Obvious". Then I could point out news items wherein a conclusion was reached that only made sense if you overlooked some screamingly obvious factor.
My awake or asleep, my brain is a very fucked up place.
Reading: I've pretty much given up trying. The usual windows of opportunity are frozen shut at the moment, Bourdain's book is not my cuppa, and I need to go to the library because I don't have anything else to read, and can't think of anything I want to read.
Surfing: Surfing (unsuccessfully) for a message board where I can discuss Big Love. I have enough interest to want a forum, but not enough to really look very hard for one. Despite there being a still-active thread on the dramas board at TWoP, it seems like most of the people have dried up since it stopped getting recapped, and there isn't much discussion going on.
Listening: Oh, I don't know. The radio's on, but I guess my mind isn't on it.
At Random: click here
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