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torture
January 20, 2009
Hyper-sensitivity is in overdrive today�I�m jumpy like a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs. Any normal, reasonable thing can make me want to scream and hit.
My clothes pull and bind and choke, I feel every draft, Not matter what the temperature in the room or how many clothes I�m wearing, I feel freezing cold.
Any noise can make me feel like crying. The normal office sounds of typing, shuffling paper, or phones ringing seem like something clawing at me. I have to wear earplugs to stand myself typing.
The lights are too fucking bright, everyone�s food smells like burning garbage, and if you stand closer than ten feet away, I feel like you�re looming and go into heebie-jeebie mode.
I itch. Oh, good god�how I fucking itch. Winter eczema is bad enough at the best of times. During a hypersensitivity episode, it�s a fucking nightmare.
Anyway�this is just something that happens sometimes, especially if I�m sleep-deprived. Which I am. But weirdly, it seems kind of a circular thing. I noticed the sensitivity first, this time around. That in turn, led to a horrible night. I woke up at one point with my feet like ice, despite being under a huge pile of blankets. That usually means a panic attack, but can you have one of those in your sleep?
(going to google)
Yep, I guess you can. Anyway, I got back to sleep once I finally got the feet warmed up. Only to finish out the night with a series of vivid and not altogether pleasant dreams. And woke up feeling brutalized.
So here we are. I try my best to rationalize it. Like I said. This is just something that happens sometimes, especially if I�m sleep-deprived. It�s extremely unpleasant, but I�ve always survived it in the past, and will do so again.
Writing it down helps.
Sooo...naturally, Spouse picks today to wound the dog, and leave it for me to deal with. B's dew claw got mangled during his pedicure, causing blood and trauma and shit, so Spouse decided that he'd just leave it for me to deal with. Oh, he made the appointment--and then called me at work to tell me I had to leave early and take B to the vet.
Umm--didn't go over so well at mandatory overtime central, I can assure you.
But I did, and I did, and B is fine...I'm $65.00 poorer, but he is just great. He stinks, though--they put some stuff on his bandage to keep him from chewing at it, and it reeks of oregano. Apparently, dogs don't like oregano.
Well, I finally sat down to give Mr. Pilkington a revamp last night, only to discover that sometime in the last month or so, every single song I had on the damned thing just...vanished.
Seriously. And not just the stuff from Spiral Frog, either. All my CD uploads, all my Amazon downloads--everything. every. damned. song.
Hours and hours of futzing and schmutzing and getting it loaded up--
fuck.
So I had to start from scratch. I grabbed and ripped a handful of CDs and pulled some stuff off the hard drive--all the stuff that was still on the hard drive after Spouse got done fucking around again, that is. Not matter how many times I tell him, or how clearly I mark the files, he still has a tendency to go on cleanup missions and delete anything that isn't his. (Seriously. It's way past time for my own computer.)
And then, feeling much abused and put upon, and badly in need of some solace, I went to Amazon and bought myself this beauty right here. 42 unforgettable encounters with the late, great Steve. I figured I deserved it.
Reading: "A Bone in the Throat", by Anthony Bourdain. Not the worst-written book ever. But slow going, since it isn't really my style.
Surfing: Retro Thing.
Listening: Steve Goodman, "Anthology". I indulged myself and bought the whole album download from Amazon.
At Random: click here
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