meds and muppets
January 26, 2006, 5:38 P.M.
Not quite so boring at work today...we took on some work to help out another department, and got some documentation on our next real project, which means I can move into the planning stages on that, and I even did some housekeeping. I started cleaning out the desk of the worthless co-worker who quit last fall. Something to do, something to do...
I started the the Wellbutrin today--I can't believe I'm doing this. I know there isn't anything wrong with getting help for depression. It doesn't make me weak, or crazy, or stigmatize me in any way. That isn't the problem.It's having anyone or anything help me to do something that bugs me. I'm a hifalutin' rooton'-tootin' die-hard fanatic at the "no help" thing.
Or is it? I wonder, as I sit here and try to figure myself out, if what I just said is true. Maybe it is more particularly true for this specific situation. I've been fighting this on my own for so long, maybe I'm a little embarassed that I let it beat me, and I had to call in a "ringer" to rescue me.
And something else I just figured out about me: though I've said soooo many times in the past that I am no optimist, I keep catching myself hoping and wishing and fantasizing that I will be the person for whom this drug works perfectly, and that I will have 100% of the benefits and 0% of the side effects.
Now if that's not optimism, I'd like to know what is.
This, on the other hand, seems to be pessimism: before I started reading �The Restless Sleep�, I checked to make sure the end of the book really is THE end of the book. (It is.)
I keep thinking that I'm going to be this big bundle of productive energy when I get home from work, but I seem to be consistently mistaken in that regard. I need to exercise and do laundry and clean up the kitchen messes and tidy up the house, but all I end up doing is crashing in the chair with the Muppets on.I'm loving me some Muppets, though. The discs have this "Muppet Morsels" feature that is like the old "Pop Up Videos", full of interesting facts about the Henson operation and the characters. Info-junkies like me eat that shit up!
I'm also really enjoying the fact that they are showing the full episodes as they aired in the UK, with an extra spot to bring them up to the standard UK running time--it's usually a song, and frequently featuring Rowlf, who has always been close to my heart. And my heart melted when I saw The Country Trio; the puppets were modeled on and performed by Jim Henson, Frank Oz, and Jerry Nelson. The Jim puppet singing "To Morrow" made me cry a little.
As did the Peter Ustinov episode. I'm still so sad that Usti is gone. He was one of those performers who had such an obvious enjoyment of his life and work that the world feels emptier without him.
Reading: �The Restless Sleep--Inside New York City's Cold Case Squad�, by Stacy Horn.
Listening: XM "Fred". Blondie, The Cars, Kon Kan (You gotta love a band that's honest enough about their influences to sample both country singer Lynn Anderson AND film composer Elmer Bernstein!)
Beading: Not in the mood. For anything, really.
One Year Ago, I was trying to make RC.
At Random: click here
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