bringing home the bacon
Friday, Feb. 04, 2005,
Here's the thing. He's probably much better off out of that toxic work environment. I'm probably better off. Emotionally, that is. Paying bills is on another plane entirely, though, and I won't deny I'm worried.
How worried? This worried:
I talked to my boss this morning to let him know my hat was still in the ring for the job. He's got to go through all the bureaucratic HR channels, so there isn't any rush, really. I really don't want it, but it looks like I may have to take it, for obvious personal reasons. (i.e., I'm apparently the breadwinner in my household.)
Spouse is exercising the diligence of that first full day of being unemployed--doing chores around the house, job-hunting, being helpful and sweet. From out of my deep well of experience with these matters, comes the knowledge that this wears off rather quickly. So jaded am I that I cannot even seem to too much one way or the other. Sure, I have concerns, but we're talking brain stuff, not heart stuff. I guess what I'm
trying to say is: I'm not disappointed in him--you have to have some basic expectation in order to be disappointed. I think I must have given up on any expectation I ever had of him being a stable provider about 5 or 6 jobs ago. I love him, and in many ways I respect him, but he has never been able to hold a job for the long term, and that is just a fact. There is no percentage in lying to myself about it.
I did make him cook last night's dinner, and do the dishes, though.
I did something last night that I hardly ever do anymore--I sat down and watched a movie on TV. On a channel with commercials. From (almost) the beginning to the end. It was on satellite WGN, and was called "A Thousand Acres". (1997) I confess, it was the sight of a young, slim, sexy Colin Firth that got me to stop my channel flipping. And the oddity of him in an Iowa cornfield, speaking with an American accent. But it was the extremely strong cast that compelled me to stay. Jessica Lange, Michelle Pfieffer and Jason Robards gave understated, nuanced performances, and supporting actors Pat Hingle and Keith Carradine managed to get some good 'licks' in, as well. Supposedly a modern-day "King Lear", it isn't exactly Shakespeare. But as a native of the setting (Iowa small town/farmland), I can say that they got these people right. I can't imagine seeing this on the big screen; so much of the performances would be lost. And without the performances, there frankly is not a lot here. Under-plotted, under-written, and many good performers under-utilized, the movie is a little too spare. The characters are not all likable, and the ones who are, are not entirely likable. But they feel real. The situations set for in this film feel real. It really is a pity that this movie wasn't a little better. But I found it compelling enough to sit down and watch, and that really is quite a lot of praise, coming from me. Michelle Pfeiffer impressed me with her performance. As sister to Jessica Lange's character, and daughter of Jason Robards, she gave her role a personality that was genetically sound. She was like her dad, who she hated so much. And like her mom, who died young. When you can triangulate the character fourth person from the performances of three, you know these are good actors you are watching. I felt like I knew the mom, by watching the father and the daughters. I really liked that.
On Doctor's orders, I shall be refraining from going to the gym for a couple of more days, so no gym report.