Saturday from Hell, pt. 1
Monday, Sept. 20, 2004,

Okay. So it is Saturday morning, we�ve been to Wally�s and Menards, and we�re headed home. His cell phone rings, and it is his little brother, JR. He�s ordered a PPV fight for that night, and someone needs to do something to set it up at his house. JR is stuck at work, and his mom, who lives with him, is worse than useless for that sort of thing. Can Spouse go to JR�s and get it set up? Well. Keep in mind, JR lives in another state. About 20 miles south of us. And when we get this call, we are not home, we are in the neighboring (NORTH) county. So of course, spouse says yes. AND instead of dropping me at home, where lots of hard work awaits, he drags me along. (Yeah, the kidnapping thing again. Christ, that pisses me off.)

I avoid my husband�s mother like a case of the bubonic, because she is an evil, poisonous bitch who never stops trying to manipulate her children and play them off against each other, and because she treats all of her daughters-in-law like shit.

So I�m not really thrilled to be dragged against my will to her house. I stay in the car.

Until the wasp flies in through the sunroof and I dive out the door, anyway.

And that is when I find out that he has locked me inside the car, taken the keys, and set the alarm. Yes, the alarm went off. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is, in the parking lot of a large condo complex, at eleven on a Saturday morning? He (FINALLY!) Comes out and turns off the alarm, and I�m calling him every name in the book, furious as hell at his evil, control-freaking ways, because sometimes HE�S JUST LIKE HIS MOTHER!!!!! But he has to go back in and finish what he�s doing, so I can�t even get him to understand how fucking furious I am.

So there�s no way it could possibly get worse, right?

Wrong.

She came out to �visit with me�. Apparently, JF and his wife have fallen from favor, and she�s decided it�s time to be nice to Spouse and me again. Christ. That�s all I need!

So, after a few minutes of very forced conversation, Spouse wraps it up and we leave. Time to go home and get the day back on track. But Spouse decides he�s hungry, so we stop at the nearest restaurant for lunch. (A high point, actually. This place we stopped at is very good, and their salads are out-of-this-world.) But while there, we get a phone call. From his mother. She�s forgotten to give us something. We have to go back!

She gave us china. Porcelain. Dishes. Fragile, non-essential, space-taking-up, Christ-I-don�t-want-this-shit CHINA.

BUTT-fugly shit it is, too. I only accepted it because it actually had belonged to Spouse�s paternal grandmother originally. I suppose I�ll give it to Niece someday. At least it�s out of her clutches, and back in the hands of actual family.

So by the time we get home, his family has managed to waste almost three hours out of the middle of my Saturday. And I still have a full day�s work to do when I get home.

And did I mention I got my period on Saturday morning?