why do I feel so weird? oh--I'm happy.
Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004,

I was mostly successful in my goals yesterday. I ate properly and well, and didn�t feel the need for any crap. I took all my supplements, drank my water, and avoided the curse of boredom. I did not, however, take a walk.

I really considered it. But since exercise is never going to be something I do for enjoyment, it�s really hard to say to myself: �You get up early, have a long commute, work a long day, make a long commute home, cook dinner, clean up the kitchen, and do other household chores. Now, instead of relaxing in your tiny little amount of free time, go out and do something you dislike."

I really felt the need for the peace and accomplishment that beading gives me. So I finished the faux garnet/marcasite project. Including earrings. And I got another dose of that little frisson of happiness that I haven�t had in so long. I think my joy is coming back. I am losing the flat feeling. It happened the other day when I put on the jeans, and then again last night, with the finished project. And again, a little, this morning, when the compliments came from coworkers on the project. Actual mood elevation. Amused little giggles, and a quite literal spring in my step.

Now I know good and well, from previous experience, that this is what happens when my eating is under control. (And that it is even better when I exercise.) So the question is�why do I let it get OUT of control? And why do I find it so hard to start walking? This something I don�t understand about myself, and I sure wish I did.

I am trying to have another responsible day, and I will attempt to get myself in motion again tonight. But the beads are already exerting their pull, and I can only hope I�m up to overcoming that.

Reading: Colin Dexter�s �The Remorseful Day� (the last Inspector Morse)

Music: XM Radio: �Fungus�, "On Broadway", �Cinemagic�

Beading: Finished the faux garnet/marcasite choker, as well as matching earrings. . Coming up next: ladder stitch bracelet using bugle beads.