Spouse health worry
Wednesday, Aug. 25, 2004,

The only thing worse than getting no help at work is getting the kind of help they provide you with at my company. The kind that are clumsy and stupid and unmotivated and do more harm than good. The kind that requires so much handholding that it takes more time and energy to cope with them than it does to do all the work yourself. Suffice it to say that I�m a bit frustrated today.

And worried. Spouse is seeing double. His boss drove him over to the medical center, and he�s waiting to see a doctor. This came on suddenly today and I�m quite concerned. According to the info I�ve located, diplopia is a vague symptom. Could be anything from head trauma, to eye infection, to stroke, to heart attack. How very reassuring!

Diet is going okay. I�m still drinking my water and being good�rather better, yesterday. I didn�t snack, or eat after supper yesterday. I did have a good-sized meal last night�salad w/ fat free dressing, spaghetti with meat sauce, and a peach for dessert. Today is going fairly well, too, but the thing is, daytimes are not nearly the problem that evenings are. Never have been. I went on the PC and played games last night until bedtime, just to keep myself occupied, and my mind too busy to think about food. I think it�s time to stop reading �diet� literature, and to start reading dependency literature. I always lose weight when I force myself to think of food as an addiction.

That is so damned hard, though, when you have to have it to live. You can�t shut it out of your life, and never touch the stuff again. And most of the organizations designed to aid food addicts are based on the 12-step philosophy, which I have serious issues with. I cannot derive comfort and support from sharing in a group. I cannot derive anything but acute discomfort and anxiety from sharing in a group.