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ventilation
December 13, 2011
Stressed out and depressed.
Getting family pressures to show up for Christmas. Even though they don't
even know when they would be having it. Or where. And Spouse throws major
tantrums if I even bring it up because he's down on everyone in my family.
Which also gets me down.
He wasn't raised with a traditional sense of responsibility when it comes to
family gatherings, so it's easy for him. Black and white. You don't want to do
something? Fine. You don't do it. You disapprove and feel angry of something
someone in your family said or did? Eff 'em. For him, it's all just that simple.
And when it comes to my family, they are always on me to come down. Fair
enough. But they certainly don't want to take the time or spend the money to
travel in this direction, so why in the hell do they assume I've got the money and
the time to burn to head down there? I guess I'm just supposed to love and
adore them so much that I'll move heaven and earth to be near them...even
though they don't seem to give a rat's ass aout me.
And really--why do they even want to see me, if they don't give a rat's ass about
me? What is the point--making themselves feel important? I don't know. If it
wasn't for my mom and dad, I honestly don't think I'd have any problem just
dropping the relationships entirely, even though I am fond of my niece and
nephews. It seems so pointless, this going round and round over Christmas and
crap.
And if my one sister-in-law has always nurtured the dream of pushing my
brother's family out of the picture, I would have to say she's succeeded
admirably with Spouse and myself. I have always gone out of my way to defend
her, and to look for the positive in her. But frankly, I am very tired of 35 years
of her crap. She created a self-fulfilling prophecy: Go around for three and a half
decades convinced everyone hates you and looks down on you...eventually,
everyone will. It takes a long time for me to give up on someone, but I can get
there if you push me long and hard enough. And if you treat my mother like
shit, it's not going to help your cause any.
Other than feeling like shit over family issues, it feels like my entire life is cookies:
I baked/am baking more cookies (Friday, I made PB Blossoms, and also made
more peanut brittle.)
On Saturday, upon discovering the greatest cookie-baking supply store I've ever
seen (U-Bake, in Racine), I solved the sugar cookie issue. I bought four dozen of
their already cut out frozen unbaked cookies. I got 32 Christmas trees, 8 stars,
and 8 snowmen. Then came home and baked off a couple of dozen. Decorated
them with sugars, jimmies, and sprinkles before baking, except for 4 of the stars,
which I iced after baking, for my own personal enjoyment.
I had also scored some awesome and unusual decorations--including the
mysterious, elusive, almost mythical "silver BBs"! A/K/A dragees. This
discovery naturally made Spouse very happy, as those are his absolute favorite
decoration.
I found two types of chip I had to have, too--raspberry-flavored chocolate chips
and lemon chips. The rasberry-chocolate are for W, who has been looking for
those to re-create a cookie her mother used to make, and the lemon went into a
cookie recipe that I invented at 4:30 on Sunday morning, which won first prize
in the office holiday cookie contest on Monday. (I won a very nice set of spatulas, a dishtowel, and a week of underground parking.)
And in the last bit of cookie-related info--my aunt and uncle got their package a
week ago Monday, and most everything was gone by Thursday. My aunt had
her precious fruitcake locked in the trunk of the car to protect it from "poachers" (yes, the fruitcake was a hit!), and said Uncle had squirreled away a few cookies to take to the center and share with his buddies.
Well, hearing that led to one of those "wonderful AWFUL ideas" that come
around at Christmas time...so guess what I need to do? Yup. I need to mail
more cookies! I have a day off this week, and will spend part of it making 6
dozen of my special recipe peanut butter cookies, to send to Uncle. These will be
specifically for sharing at the Senior Center. I picked the PBs to make
because they are absolutely dependable, pack well, a double batch won't take
long to whip out, and he has had them before and likes them. Plus, I plan on
using the bottom of one of my pressed glass tumblers to flatten them, which will
emboss them with a pretty flower pattern, and I will sprinkle them with my red
and green coarse sugar crystals for the appropriate seasonal touch. (As opposed
to my usual, traditional fork grid and white sugar.)
Et voila--HAPPY UNCLE. He gets to host a cookie party amongst all his
cronies at the center. And get major points for having a niece who is so cool, I
might add. Plus: HAPPY AUNT. She can send him off with cookies that she
didn't actually have to bake!
Reading: "Patricia Brent, Spinster" (1918), "John Dene of Toronto"
(1920), and "Malcolm Sage, Detective" (1921) all by Herbert Jenkins. I enjoyed
Patricia Brent so much that I had to find more by the author, which led me to
John Dene, which introduced me to Malcolm Sage. I loved the first two, and
am starting on the third, which is actually a story collection. And I'm hoping it
proves to be just as entertaining as the other two.
Listening: Cage the Elephant, David Bowie, U2, RHCP, The National
Surfing:
At Random:
click here
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