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what a difference a day makes
January 28, 2008
I had such a nice day yesterday. Slept in a bit, made a delish breakfast of Canadian bacon, eggs, and toast. Did a minor amount of housework, and left Spouse at home while I went enjoyed the perfect shopping trip:
Left the house at 11:45 AM, went to a clothing store; tried on and bought three new pair of terrific work pants (half of bill paid by gift card). Went to department store and bought new sneakers (50% off!) and bedroom slippers (80% off!). Went to the grocery store and was in and out in under three minutes with everything I needed. Stopped to fill up my tank for the week ahead. Arrived home at exactly 1:00 PM.
That�s right. I was able to get all that done and be back in an hour-fifteen. In bright sunshine and reasonable temperatures, no less. I can�t explain how inconceivable it is for me to have a shopping experience like that. Simply never happens.
One home, I puttered on the computer a little, watched TV a little, and put on a big pot of my homemade vegetable soup for dinner. Spouse was put in charge of the cornbread, so my dinner prep duties were done by 3:30. AWESOME!
I made an early-ish evening of it, retiring shortly after nine, and feeling pretty smug about my lovely day.
And then came Monday.
And it not only came, it came fucking early. I woke up around two, and never succeeded in getting back to sleep. I tossed and moaned and turned and burned, but sleep had left the building. I fought it for 2 hours, having my own version of a �long dark teatime of the soul� (although my clock�s hands were moving relentlessly on to four o'clock AM.)
And then it was all existential meltdown from there; I cried and wondered why I was even alive, or why I should want to be. Then I gave up, got up (40 minutes before alarm time), and started my day.
Which went fine from then until 7:30, when I had to attend a training class that was absolute torture.
Some reasons:
--Not particularly well-taught.
--I had to attend this class with half of my frigging department (well-documented how I feel about them) and my boss. This is not a situation conducive to creative thought for me.
--This was a �workshop� and we were assigned to teams, so naturally I had to deal with strangers, do stupid ice-breaking exercises, and other such circles of introvert Hell
--My team had a �steamroller� type on it, which I�m not opposed to in principle--but Hey, that�s my role, dammit!
--One team member who spent six of the eight and a half ours smacking her gum and breathing spearmint stench all over me. One of the hours was lunch, and of the remaining one and a half, she spent 30 minutes eating a bagel, and 30 minutes eating peanut M&Ms, breathing peanut stench all over me, and rattling the package.
--One team member who spent the morning clicking his pen, and the afternoon crunching ice.
--That�s pretty much all those two �teammates� did, leaving me, The Steamroller, and one other person to do the actual class work. (That one other was the only person on the team I could tolerate.)
--Classroom furniture so uncomfortable that I�m still having back spasms.
--Involuntary overtime. The class went long and overshot the actual end of my workday.
Lucky me. I have three more fun-filled days ahead with this bunch.
My guts were so knotted up from all of it by the middle of the day that I went out to smoke at lunch (Yeah, sue me.). I was looking for a few minutes peace and respite from my SD issues. What I into someone was more bad news. News so horrible it made the laundry list above seem pretty fucking petty.
My dear friend Susie, who has been in the hospital for a month, is going to be taken off life support. She�s going to die. This is a woman who is so naturally good and wonderful, giving, loving, supportive and positive (in the face of the most horrendous health issues ever), that she really, seriously, deserves to live.
How good is this woman?
She�s pretty much the only sunny-dispositioned extrovert I�ve ever called my friend. And I feel privileged to do it. She�s that fucking great.
I just don�t get it. I�m trying to believe she�s just ready to move on to the next level, because it just doesn�t make any fucking sense otherwise.
I�m such a mess. I�m exhausted, I�m bereft, and I can�t tell up from down anymore.
Mr.B is trying his loving best to help me out, but I�m not sure I can be helped right now. I need to eat, but my stomach is still tied in knots from this awful day, and I�m not sure I can handle food. I�m so far beyond tired that I�m not even sure I�ll be able to sleep.
And here�s the weather report:
Tonight
Not as cool. Windy...cloudy. Light rain likely in the evening...then chance of light rain after midnight. Lows in the upper 30s. South winds 25 to 30 mph shifting to the southwest 15 to 25 mph after midnight. Chance of rain 70 percent.
Tuesday
High wind watch in effect from Tuesday afternoon through late Tuesday night... Winter Storm Watch in effect from Tuesday afternoon through late Tuesday night... Wind Chill Advisory in effect from 6 PM Tuesday to 12 PM CST Wednesday�<>
Windy. Rain showers likely in the morning...then rain early in the afternoon. Snow and chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon. Blowing snow late in the afternoon. Snow may be heavy at times late in the afternoon. Snow accumulation of 1 to 2 inches. Highs in the lower 40s. Temperatures falling into the 20s in the afternoon. Southwest winds 10 to 25 mph with gusts to around 45 mph increasing to northwest 30 to 35 mph with gusts to around 55 mph late in the afternoon. Chance of precipitation 90 percent.
Tuesday Night
Bitterly cold. Much colder. Very windy. Mostly cloudy with snow in the evening...then partly cloudy after midnight. Blowing snow through the night. Snow may be heavy at times in the evening. Snow accumulation of 1 to 2 inches. Total snow accumulation 2 to 4 inches. Lows around 3 below. West winds 25 to 40 mph. Gusts up to 60 mph decreasing to 50 mph early in the morning. Chance of snow 80 percent. Lowest wind chill readings 14 below to 24 below zero after midnight.
Wednesday
Bitterly cold. Much colder. Windy. Partly sunny. Areas of blowing snow in the morning. Highs around 15. West winds 20 to 30 mph with gusts to around 45 mph decreasing to 15 to 20 mph in the afternoon. Lowest wind chill readings 19 below to 29 below zero in the morning.
Never stops, does it.
Reading: �Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World �, by Sharon Heller, PhD
Listening: Not a blessed thing. After this day, quiet is mandated.
At Random: click here
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