caught up (for now)
8/30 November 08, 2007
Despite a headache and the monthly rebooting of the Ovarian Operating System, I�ve been feeling pretty chipper this week. Couldn�t have anything to do with all the diary posting, could it?
I�ve said it before and I�ll say it again. The most insidious thing about this about this insidious disease is how it fights its cure. Kinda like drug-resistant bacteria. It can convince you to stop doing anything that keeps it at bay. The minute I let my guard down and slack off the writing, exercising, water consumption, good sleep habits, or following the diet that I know works�BOOM. The depression gets in through the gap and convinces me not to do any of it.
So eternal vigilance and a rigid adherence to all the helpful habits is the answer. Except for the part where the eternal vigilance is exhausting, and I can�t keep it up, and then I�m so tired that I don�t bother with one thing or the other, and back to hell I go.
My doctor said it best�diseases like to win.
But this is being a fairly good week. And I do think it has much to do with my getting back in the diary saddle.
I took another step towards holiday positivism today�I agreed to participate in a gift exchange at work, as well as a �New Year White Elephant Grab Bag�, where in we all take whatever hideous crap Santa brought, re-wrap it, and throw it in a pile, and everyone reaches in and grabs someone else�s nightmare.That one sounds like a lot of fun, actually. And the solution to whatever Christmas-themed horror my SIL sticks me with this year.
So that�s the card exchange, and to gift exchange thingies, and I�m sure I�ll pull out my little desktop tree and stick it on my shelf.
So nobody can say I�m not playing nice!
I think my Christmas-related actions are sort of a sub-conscious realization that this holiday season, I have sole responsibility for my own happiness. Looking back, I realize that the good Christmases I�ve had all have that in common. Even though Christmas is supposed to be about goodwill toward others, it is only when I stop relying on others to have goodwill toward me to make my holiday good, and turn inward, that I have a good experience from the season.And this year, it�s all too easy to write off the possibility of a good time. Without Papa, the Christmas traditions we�ve built in Spouse�s family don�t seem to hold together, and my family is going to be facing its annual gathering without the one person who enjoyed it the most. I face it more like a funeral than a holiday. (Of course, those who know me say there�s nothing new in that.)
Reading: �Rose in Bloom�, by Louisa May Alcott.
Beading: Yeah. That �I vow that I will make one pair of earrings tonight, even if it kills me� thing? I kinda forgot.
Listening: Soundtrack from "A Mighty Wind".
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