they pull me back in
May 11, 2006, 7:13 P.M.
I need to figure out whether I can continue at work.
Because it's really hard to endure. I know a number of good reasons for sticking it out there, but I'm begining to fear for my sanity. I am really trying to climb out of this damned hole I'm in, and just when it feels like I can, that damned job comes along and administers a smackdown. Back I tumble into the hole.
Over the weekend, all of the programmers are being relocated to a different part of the building. These are the people I've worked beside for 5 years. Intelligent, interesting, endurable people.
And between the fact that all the smart people are moving, and the fact that I now spend a majority of my time dealing with stupid system users that aren't bright enough to tie their own friggin' shoes--
I feel like I didn't make the cut. Like the powers that be said "Okay--all you smart people go over there now, and all you stupid people stay put."
I'm one of the stupid people now. Big problem there. Because the one single aspect by which I've defined my entire self is--I'm smart.
So? You fuck with that, you seriously mess with my head.
I crash-landed last night. Got home, ate dinner, stretched out on the couch with Series 2 of Wodehouse Playhouse on the DVD, and passed out. Woke up at ten, and had to scramble to get my 'night before' prep chores done. I was still awake at 11:00, when Spouse came home, so I talked to him for a while. FInally zonked back out at 11:30 or so. I'd been doing so well, I thought. Then BOOM. I hit the wall.
Tonight, I don't even have that opportunity. I have to wash some clothes so I have something to put on tomorrow, and I had to bake brownies for the programmers' goodbye party. And tomorrow, Spouse is working the day shift, so I don't even get my evening at all. He'll be off. And he's making me go out to dinner, to Chops on the Lake.
Hmm. That right there shows what kind of mood I'm in. Chops is a lovely place, with good food and atmosphere. I should be thrilled that Spouse wants me to go to dinner with him there.
But it just seems like a burden and an imposition to me.
One more thing. It rained yesterday, it rained today, and it is supposed to go on raining straight through the weekend.That should perk me right up.
Reading: "Last Ditch," by Ngaio Marsh.
Listening: Jethro Tull again. Every once in a while, XM throws me a day where there isn't a damn thing worth listening to.
Beading: DNA Spiral. 'Cept I'm not.
One Year Ago, I was busy.
At Random: click here
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