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maybe it's the weight of the world
Thursday, Feb. 24, 2005, 5:33 PM
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
�All of my mistakes are giving me ideas."
~Natalie C. Lileks
Out of the mouths of babes? She's four.
Awoke to the bad, 'pinchy' feeling in the shoulder today. Here's hoping that it's just a result of sleeping funny, and I haven't pinched the nerve again. It doesn't feel horrible--yet. But this is kind of the way it started last time.
I got a beader's windfall from someone today. The woman for whom I did the boot anklets brought in a baggy full of beaded jewelry for me. Her husband had found it in a dumpster! Someone chucked away many nice little pieces, including daisy chain chokers, and a nice, handmade lampwork bead fashioned into a pendant.
So I got a bunch of beads, and the entertainment value of making up stories in my head of how they ended up in the trash. Some of my theories include: Little girl grew out of them (they are all quite small)--Girl goes "goth", and gives up all her sparkly, colorful, and flowery pieces--"They" broke up, and "he" threw them out...really, I could go on all day.
But maybe this little windfall is the just the kick-start I need to get busy.
I'm already getting weary of the difficulties of communication between me and the Spouse. Notes, emails, voicemails, and phone calls are a poor substitute for face time. And although I haven't had the opportunity to really discuss it with him, I think he's exhausted from transitioning shifts. I think he needs me, and I can't "be there" for him, and that hurts. He sounded sooo tired when I talked to him on the phone today.
More and more, my job gets sucked over to the mainframe side, where I have no experience, no knowledge, and quite frankly--not a lick of interest. It's a dark, deeply fucked up, fragmented and illogical nightmare, and I've hated it for nine years. And every day, I have to spend more time on it, and less on what I consider my career.
I can't help but think that this blows.
But take me with a grain of salt, I guess, today has been a long one, full of endless meetings, crisis reaction, issues response, and an exhausting level of "dealing with people".You see, we have a team member, so-called anyway, that is not doing her job. She spends her whole day talking on the phone, or dealing with her second job. She looks for the slightest excuse to not work, and mysteriously, always seems to be plagued with system problems when no one else is. When presented with any set of circumstances, she pounces on the negatives and begins a rapid-fire criticism of whatever decisions have been made. And the project I've been stuck with for the last few weeks, that has turned out to be buggy as a shit-house rat?
The reason I'm "re" testing it is because she didn't test it back in December. Although she said she did. A perceptive programmer happened to notice that there was no record of any test data having been run through the system. This got to my boss, and he put me in charge of making sure it actually worked. Unfortunately, it doesn't. And unfortunately, it did get into production at the beginning of January, and has been costing the company money ever since. Probably $50,000 so far. She has the other team member and myself seeing red most of the time. Because of, you know--she gets paid, but we do all the work?
I had lunch at work today; sometimes you just feel a need for sustenance beyond what you can get from a nutrition bar. Of course, cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke isn't the healthiest choice I could have made, but I freely admit I was out for comfort food all the way. As it is necessary to choose between the gym and the lunchroom, I skipped the workout. With the shoulder pain being so much like it was before, I really don't want to risk exacerbating it like I did last time. So--no "gym report" today.
I'm reading "The Murder Room", by P.D. James. James writes beautifully, and I always enjoy her work very much--especially the Adam Dalgliesh books. But it always takes me awhile to adjust to the fact that I'm reading a fine literary novel with a murder and a detective in it, rather than a mere "murder mystery". When nobody is dead yet by the end of chapter 12, it is NOT a mere "murder mystery". And when we've spent only one or two of those 12 chapters with the detective; well, that's another clue.
I'm feeling the cash pinch at the moment, resulting from the unemployment situation. I need an oil change, my car washed, and a haircut, but I can't afford them. The car has been dirty all winter, so I won't lose any sleep over that, but I'm a real nazi about oil changes. And the I'm having trouble seeing through all the head and eyebrow overgrowth. I can't wait indefinitely to get this stuff taken care of.
Reading: "The Murder Room", by P.D. James.
Listening: XM Radio--"Fred", vintage punk/alt/new wave.
Beading: Seriously, I would if I wasn't completely used up for the day...
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