anti-glurge rant
Thursday, Sept. 16, 2004,

ONLY A RANT�REAL ENTRY LATER

I hate �glurge��those incredibly sappy, touchy-feely, tear to your eye, tug at your heartstrings, 99 and 44/100th percent pure bullshit emails that sappy people send you. I HATE THEM. Here�s why:

Back when I first started this diary, I complained about the incredibly sensitive woman who cried if you didn�t say hi.

Well, she�s baa-ack! And now she�s started sending glurge every day. And these people send this shit to EVERYBODY. Family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, and cow-workers. That bugs me, right there. No restraint, no �little thing in their head� that tells them when something is or is not appropriate. Just send any old steamy pile of feces to their whole mailing list. (and yes, these are the people dumb enough to have a mailing list on Microsoft Outlook!!!)

And I�ll admit, I don�t mind getting a funny e-mail from a coworker. Silly little animated gifs of snuggly puppies don�t even bother me that much. I don�t like them, but they don�t really piss me off either. I actually enjoy (a little) getting photo-shopped animals in funny poses. But the one class of glurge that will make my BP skyrocket is this:

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - the gross and mouthy comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent ... GEORGE CARLIN - POST 9-11 The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families,more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fa st, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete. Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a ce nt. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. If you don't send this to at least 8 people.... who cares? George Carlin

Well, I almost don�t know where to start with that one. First off, it badmouths George Carlin. Now I�m not saying that the great GC hasn�t been badmouthed before. But �Gross and Mouthy�?

That remark sounds like a cross between a ten-year-old girl, and my grandma. GTFU.

But the misattribution really pisses me off. So after about 2 minutes of quick research (which anyone can do when they get these things), I forwarded the email to certain people on the sender�s list. With my own addendum:

In May 1998, Jeff Dickson posted the 'Paradox of Our Time' essay to his Hacks-R-Us online forum, loosing it upon the Internet. The essay has since been attributed to comedian George Carlin, an unnamed Columbine High School student, and that most prolific of scribes, Anonymous.

George Carlin very emphatically denied he had had anything to do with "Paradox," a piece he referred to as "a sappy load of sh*t," and posted his comments about being associated with this essay on his own web site.

The true author of the piece is neither George Carlin nor Jeff Dickson, nor is he anonymous. �Credit� belongs with Dr. Bob Moorehead, former pastor of Seattle's Overlake Christian Church. (He retired in 1998 after 29 years in that post). The essay appeared under the title "The Paradox of Our Age" in Words Aptly Spoken, Dr. Moorehead's 1995 collection of prayers, homilies, and monologues used in his sermons and radio broadcasts:

Those intent upon taking inspiration from "Paradox" should consider the following: during Bob Moorehead's tenure as pastor of Overlake Christian Church, seventeen members of his congregation reported that he had sexually assaulted them. These allegations, which surfaced in 1997, prompted his resignation in 1998. After a year of publicly supporting Moorehead the church elders withdrew their support, their own investigation into the charges having led them to conclude their pastor had indeed been guilty of molesting a number of male churchgoers.

Source:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/paradox.asp#carlin

I just wish she�d quit sending this crap. I know if I tell her to drop me from her list, she�ll cry. And tattle to the boss that I�m mean to her. Now this would only end up making her look bad, and me look good. But before that conclusion got drawn, I�d have to deal with all the BS involved. And I truly do not want to waste my time with that.