beads and books
2004-05-14, 3:56 p.m.

There is really no way for me to come out ahead with these situations at work. BossMan acts like I should be able to make decisions and have others abide by them; conveniently forgetting that he made the deliberate decision to withhold that authority from me. Nobody listens to me if I try to get my point across because I do not possess the authority to back it up. I actually have so little power that I have to obey orders given by people who themselves lack authority to give them! I'm bottom of the food chain, I'm god's hacky sack, I'm everybody's prison bitch. And BossMan tells me to get stuff done; that the only authority I need is "my confidence". Yeah, well, no matter how much confidence I have in my opinion, no one listens to it. That results in me having zero confidence it getting my point across.

This is NOT going to make me cry, dammit. I am aware that I have the type of mind that is tortured by paradox, by illogic, by idiots who can't or won't be led by reason. Having that knowledge, as an intelligent person it is my responsibility accept the inevitable and to move beyond the situation by whatever means possible. There has to be a way. I'm just not thinking hard enough.

Well, I made it through work without killing anyone. I did have to hit two different bead stores on the way home, though. I�m not a drinker; I�m a beader. Bead stores are my bars. I know some nice store owners, and they provide that sympathetic ear I need. Southside beadlady especially, the whole reason she�s running her own shop is to escape the corporate rat race. Anyway; I got some new tools, and some supplies to do a couple of new projects. Plus I got more of the purple beads. I still want a purple rope of my own, and maybe this time I�ll get to keep it! I�m re-thinking my watchband project, and I got some different beads to try. I have been reading so many diaries lately. It makes me yearn to write essays and spin hilarious tales�but my creativity isn�t going in that direction right now, so I�ll just have to be patient. I know that sooner or later that will start to flow again. Until then, I�ll just keep doing the jewelry thing. As long as I have some outlet, I�ll stay reasonably sane.

Maybe I�ll see if Spouse wants to go to the bookstore tonight--my folks gave me a $35.00 B&N gift card and I desperately need reading material. I have vacation coming up next month, and I decided that I will tackle Oryx and Crake again while I�m off. So other than My already half-read copy of Vanity Fair, I have no fresh reading material whatever. That is enough to induce a panic attack! I have been reading �Aggies� and some short mystery fiction to provide the soothing escapism that cools my fevered brow, but I need some flat-out humor. I wish my folks were savvy enough to have gotten me an Amazon card, so I could go to Amazon UK and get this and this. They aren�t available in the US yet, and if I can get them from B&N, I haven't figured it out yet. Not that Val McD. is funny. It's just that I want that book and I don't want to wait another 6-18 months for it.