you can�t spell analysis without anal�
September 01, 2005,

More navel introspection from the nimble fingers of whyme63--

If I said I was in the mood this week to be listening to musicals, it would sound kind of upbeat, I guess.

The musicals are �Little Shop of Horrors�, and �Sweeney Todd�.

Uh�yeah. Maybe not in such an �Up With People� mood, at that.

When I�m in a kind of crappy mood, �Shop� suits me well.

�A LOT of folks de-SERVE to die�, to quote Audrey II.
But when I�m in a seriously crappy mood, I tend to start thinking like my �old pal Sweeney��

�They ALL deserve to die!�.

The source of all this, of course, is too much first-hand contact with the human race. I�m having to interact a lot at work, and �manage� situations, problems, co-workers, and managers. This is a sore trial for me at any time, but especially when I have a ton of projects going and a tight schedule. I need to stay focused and retreat into my shell in order to get the job done, and when I can�t, it�s so frustrating, it�s crazy-making. Especially when I have to work to �sell� the issues I raise. No one can ever just accept that if it�s ME saying something is broken, it probably is, because I have A) done my analysis and B) done my best to rule out user error.

Hello, remember me? The high-testing INTJ?

And of course, the dearth of free time and the forced proximity to Spouse, the man-I-love-but-can�t-spend-a-lot-of-time-with, has really sapped me lately as well. He�s my sweet, high-maintenance energy drain.

I say temporarily, because I�ve made up my mind to be constructive in my free evenings, and FINISH the cleaning and general transformation of my bedroom. Then I�m going to paint, get new curtains and bedding, and replace the window shades.

Then I�m going to go out and buy myself a new bed. I�ve analyzed the situation. I�ve waffled. I�ve cried poor. I�ve tried to convince myself that I don�t �deserve� it. But�attention people of Earth: this girl is old, and tired, and goddam fed up. Out of patience.

The streak of pragmatism has kicked in, overriding the �chronic over-analysis and indecision� loop. Decision made.

And I also intend to get another piece of furniture--a storage cabinet.

I have a spot in the hallway, just off the dining room, that is perfect for it. And I want to use it as a sort of pantry cupboard, for things like soda and bottled water, which currently reside on the floor under my Yamaha keyboard (in the dining room), and for paper towels, canned goods, extra boxes of cereal, and other items that I currently have to fetch from the basement when I need them.

Maybe, too, I can get the dog food out of the linen closet for the first time in 11 years!

The old rule is �A place for everything, and everything in its place.� Well, starting now, if I can�t find or acquire a place for something, then that item�s place must be the trash. But unless you have the right amount of storage, you can�t start this. You can�t hope to make things tidy without throwing away some essential items. So I want to bring some balance into the storage situation in my house.

Don�t get me wrong�I am firmly of the belief that clutter is evil, and that too much storage merely makes for tidy clutter. But too little is as bad as too much, and as I clean my way through, tossing more and more stuff, I realize that we do have inadequate cupboard and closet space, and I think I�ll be a calmer, more efficient, and more organized person if my kitchen cupboard doesn�t have to be completely rearranged every time I buy groceries.

That�s the whole thing, I guess. This current obsession with order, cleanliness, organization, and a generally streamlined life.

I�m mining my life for time and serenity.