heat and housework advisory
Sunday, Jul. 24, 2005, 8:05 AM

I just kissed Spouse goodbye and sent him off to work. And I really can't put it off any longer--I have GOT to clean the house. The dishes are piled in the sink, the rug has disappeared under the dog hair, and that bathroom is a community health hazard. And since the weather has turned into that poisonous miasma that we tend to get here in Southeastern Wisconsin in late July, I might as well make the best of the air conditioning and focus on indoor activity.

Here, verbatim, is the Kenosha weather forecast for today, including the NWS Heat Advisory:

Hot and humid. A 20 percent chance of an afternoon thunderstorm. Highs around 100. West winds 15 to 20 mph. Heat index readings 105 to 114.

The National Weather Service in Milwaukee has issued an excessive heat warning today into this evening.

High temperatures today are expected to reach the upper 90s to around 101, with steamy dewpoints in the mid 70s. This combination of extreme heat and humidity will produce dangerous heat index values of 110 to 115 across parts of southeast Wisconsin.

This is very much the kind of weather that kills people. I sent Spouse to work with two quarts of lemonade, two quarts of ice, 40 ounces of bottled water, and a bag of grapes packed into his cooler. And the stern admonition that he was to escape into air-conditioning at every possible opportunity. And dressed in 100% cotton--fuck those poly-blend uniform pants. I wish I could do more to protect him.

While he happily lost himself in the tool department, I trotted over to appliances to take care of a long-standing issue.

Our toaster has been dying by inches for over a year, and I've had a surprisingly difficult time finding a satisfactory replacement at a satisfactory price. I wanted a long-style four slice toaster that was fairly sturdy--basically, one that was put together well enough to be given a firm shake, without sounding like a damn wind chime. For about 30-40 bucks. It seemed everything was cheap crap, or expensive crap with all style and no substance, or well-made, but very expensive and out of my price range.

But yesterday, I found what I needed. The Kenmore 4 Slice Toaster with Long Slot--exactly what I needed.

And on sale for $29.95. It's even white, to match the rest of my appliances. Lots of nice features, too. And built very solidly. So I consider the morning well-spent.

After I woke up, I went on the computer for a while, trying to keep it quiet as possible, since the PC is next to the bed. I was successful at that, until my mom called to check on us.

Seems the TV weather reports in Rockford had depicted Southern Wisconsin as being practically wiped out by severe weather.

I was able to reassure her that Keno had nothing worse than rain and a few thundery booms, and we chatted a while about a number of things before she hung up. It wasn't one of our marathon calls, but it was nice to get a call from her for a change. Usually, it's my nickel.

After I got off the phone, Spouse got up and re-settled himself into his chair in the living room. And after a while, my "baby bird" started chirping for his dinner. By then it was too late to order Italian delivered, so I called the Chinese restaurant down the street and ordered the one thing on their menu he'll eat (boneless bbq ribs & rice) and some S&S chicken for me. They only take about 10-15 minutes, so I could get him fed pretty quick, even if I did have to go pick it up. He actually was pretty appreciative of my choice, and said he hadn't wanted pizza or pasta anyway.

After dinner, he went back to bed, and I put in my "Fargo" DVD. I haven't watched the movie yet, though. I just watched some of the special features. I walked the dog around 9:45, and then channel surfed and worked crossword puzzles for a while before giving up and going to sleep around 11. I knew I'd have to get up early and walk the dog before it got too damn hot to do so.

So I'm an indoors kid today, and right now, I'm just about to embark on my housecleaning odyssey by washing the sheets and starting to wade through the dirty dishes.