|
navigation
current
archives
links page
profile
|
|
ranting, raving, ruminating
October 28, 2016,
I made something I haven't made in quite a while, the other day. I cooked up a batch of homemade applesauce for the freezer. Not a huge batch; I just took a dozen of those little Golden Delicious from the orchard, and cooked up 4 half-pint jars. A jar that size is the perfect amount for us; just enough for one meal, so it doesn't get wasted. Once you thaw homemade applesauce, there's no preservatives to protect it and it'll go over quick.
Those tiny flavor-bombs made some damned good sass, I tell you what. The cup of apple cider and the tablespoon of fresh lemon juice didn't hurt, either. And I actually took it a step farther than the cooks in my family ever did--I worked it through a sieve to make it nice and smooth. My grandma was a bit of a reverse-snob about that--she always made out like it was pointless to take the trouble to make it at all, if you were just going to duplicate the stuff that comes from the store. I don't know. Maybe she just didn't want to take the time on the huge batches she made, or maybe it was just a matter of preference.
But Spouse, being raised on the store kind, prefers his yellow and smooth, instead of chunky and brownish--so I obliged. He devoured it with alacrity, so I think it was okay.
I really wish I'd bought more of those apples!
I should probably mention--I'm completely off the sertraline at this point. Not feeling much in the way of ill-effects from it, and I feel so much more connected to the world!
Well, except for the stupid sinusitis. I've been kind of a clogged-up, headachy mess all week. Missed two days of work because I was seeing double from it. And although I'm feeling better, I'm still listing to the left a bit, and finding myself walking around with one eye closed.
And frankly, the continual layoffs in my division at work aren't improving my morale any, either. 5 more colleagues bit the dust this week. Watching the managers stumble through the approved jargon when they made the announcement was pretty greuesome, too. As was the realization that they can now fit the entire division staff for our location into a small conference room.
I never got around to changing dentists, so I ended up going back to the same guy again. I've really got to get on the ball and find a new provider; this place doesn't suit me at all. The office staff is one elderly and befuddled little old lady, the hygienist is a spazzy ditz, and the dentist always seems like he's coked up or something. AND he is one of those woo-merchants who thinks my metal fillings are going to kill me. And even though nobody--me, the billing office, or freaking Aetna--can get the whole in/out of network thing cracked, he goes on and on about all kinds of super-expensive restoration work he could go in my mouth--while missing a new, fairly obvious cavity entirely. (I'm hoping that being off the sertraline will also slow down the ridiculous rate of decay I've had in the last couple of years!)
And to be honest--I don't have a huge amount of faith in their abilities. They can't even get a simple thing like a phone number right, why should I expect them to fix my dental issues and not eff it up? I've requested multiple times to have my records corrected to NOT be filed as a mere footnote to Spouse's, but they persist in calling his cell phone every time they they want to reach me. And when I pointed out, yet again, that the best way to reach ME is to...you know...call ME, it was like the concept blew their minds. Seriously, people. It's almost 2017. Phone numbers belong to PEOPLE now, not addresses. I haven't shared a phone number with my husband in over 15 years.
So what happened when they called to let me know I could come in early, because of cancellations? They had to stick around almost an hour later than they would have if they had called me directly, because they had to wait for my husband to get the message, and leave me voicemail, and then for me to pick it up, and call them back to see what they wanted. And then drive over there in the height of rush hour traffic.
And, to harp just a bit more on the subject of autonomy--No, I do NOT need to take your frigging dental estimate home and "talk it over with my husband" before committing to having the work done (what I do need befor committing is at least a teensy bit of confidence in your practice, but that's another story). I am a fully functional, autonomous adult, with my own income, and dominion over my own healthcare decisions. BECAUSE THIS IS THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY, BITCHES.
But anyway. I got my teeth cleaned. She didn't sand-blast them this time. Just a regular cleaning.
W pisses me off so damned bad. I really wish she would contact me sometime when she has something fun going on, instead of only when she needs someone she can depend on. I haven't heard from her directly since they had their car accident last summer, and this morning, I find an email from her wanting me to dogsit for a weekend next month. I really miss having a friend, instead of the occasional chore. I understand that it is nice to have that one friend you can depend on without question, but those friends will disappoint you sooner or later, if you don't ever do anything to hold up your end of the relationship. And the sad thing is, I've heard her bitch and moan and "oh, poor me" about friends disappointing her sooo many times. That is, when she needed me for my crying shoulder.
But on the other hand, I don't know what fun stuff we could do together--we don't have very much in common anymore. I'm not into their "scene", or ren fairs, or the SCA. They aren't into Edwardian novels or baking or fountain pens(much) or vintage advertising. Even our tastes in movies and music have diverged--I have pretty much given up watching movies and television, because I hate CGI, superheroes, zombies, wizards, etc. And while I love seeking out new music, W is stuck in the same 70s prog rock she's been listening to all of her life.
Then there's the philosophical stuff. The older I get, the harder it is for me to accept that otherwise intelligent people can believe in gods, or an afterlife, or the supernatural. And while it doesn't seem to interfere with my ability to love them, it certainly doesn't make me want to spend a lot of time with them. Kind of puts a crimp in a friendship.
So let's chew on that awhile.
One of the earliest and biggest cracks in my shelf (to borrow a phrase from the ex-mormons) was that feeling of shock, followed by an automatic lessening of respect, every time I was ever faced with the religious beliefs of someone who I'd believed intelligent. Eventually, I had to face fact and realize that no matter what I professed to believe, to myself or others, I was, in fact, an atheist. In the true meaning of the word. I subscribe to the belief that there is a total absence of a "theity"--so to speak.
And once I faced that fact, I started to look at the situation head on, and realized I that any belief may have I ever had was, in fact Deism--that there was a god creator, but one who did not involve itself in the affairs of its creations.
And as I started to look at matters with a more critical eye, I became convinced that not only is there no "supreme being", interventionist or otherwise--the very concept of god--of religion--does great harm in the world and actually stands in the way of human progress. I became an "Anti-theist". I realized that I have the same outright scorn for promoters and purveyors of religion as I do for the anti-vaxxers, the snake-oil salesman, the woo-merchants, the anti-gmo contingent, and the politicians who prey on the stupidity, gullibility, and fear of the voters.
This, as you see, is a slippery slope. And it leads to a point where you either have to become a fanatic unbeliever, a scientist, or a nihilist. Since fanaticism is usually akin to religion in the harm it does, and I don't have much more faith in science than I do religion...I fell into nihilism.
Not that any of it matters in the long run.
Reading: been in a more active mode; not reading much.
Listening: I'm thoroughly sick and tired of all my music, and my otherwise-great radio station is caught up in World Series Fever, so...not much music lately.
Inked Up: nothing new there, either. (Don't even know why I'm bothering with this section!)
|
|