striking a spark
October 03, 2014

So. I joined SparkPeople. Heard so much good feedback, a lot of people swearing it saved their life, etc. I was expecting a lot, I guess. Maybe too much?

First thing I noticed is that their website is a tension-inducing nightmare. Not really as place I want to be when I'm already stressed out, but if it's free, you know you are going to get annoying ads that pop up when you pass the cursor over, annoying flash crap, and other spazzy distractions.

Second thing is they pester you to death with emails, which is probably going to--hell, it already is--annoy the bejabbers out of me.

Third thing is, I have a really hard time with navigating the site.

I know it sounds like excuses, but most people have no idea how distracting that can be for somebody who has done as much user acceptance testing as I have. Bad design really gets under my skin and drives me crazy. Simple design is fine, I would rather use something streamlined and easy with relatively few features (I'm still on Diaryland after a decade, after all.) than something loaded with features that is a logistical nightmare. I need things to flow, I guess, and not chunk up on me.

But I am going to try to utilize it and get myself on track. Doc C. told me to explore online options for weight and fitness management, so I told him I would try. And frankly, as unappealing as SP is, it beats the heck out of others I looked at.

Website or no website, I am trying two things today that have helped kick-start me in the past: fasting (well, a mini-fast, as I have a dinner engagement this evening) and the start of a two-week candy abstinence. Small goal--no candy for two weeks. Just candy, but all candy. Sugarless gum the only exception. Small, simple goal. I have no candy available, I pledge not to buy any, and I can do this. I've done it before.

Also, I am (mentally) chanting my mantra of "perfection is the enemy of good enough". Or maybe I'm just trying to redefine my definition of perfection. I've been reading a bit about the ventilatory threshold, and I think that I need to define perfect, not as "DO ALL THE EXERCISES!", but as "figure out the exact amount of tolerance you have, and start there." I'm pretty sure I have a low threshold, because of the experiences I've had in the past with trying to do more than fifteen or twenty minutes at a time and getting the waves of overwheming anger and sadness come on like a bucket of water over my head. I have the same trouble in non-workout activities too, I've noticed. I've always had the problem that when I have to do a lot of house-cleaning in a short time, I start screaming and bitching out loud and even crying.

I always figured it was just some kind of emotional reaction to the fact that my parents were the "put your head down and push" type, just muscling their way through everything. Now, it turns out that it has a physiological component. My "power-putter" style of getting stuff done is way easier to apply to housework than to exercise, unfortunately.

Of course, I am also trying to overcome the conditioned response that comes of getting a prompt and thorough cosmic smackdown every time I start to take myself in hand. (For an example of this, look up my entry for February 12th, 2007--and the one immediately following.) I actually mentioned that to the doctor at my physical, and he looked at me and said "you just answered a hundred questions at once with that". He didn't have any solutions for me, though. Naturally.