hellish
August 16, 2011

This day has been personal and professional hell since about 5:00 this morning. Everything--big or small, public or private--that could go wrong, has gone wrong.

The two biggies: Found out my dear "brother-in-law-slash-best-friend" is in the hospital with severe chest pains; they are trying to rule out heart attack.

Then talked to my brother, and found out that my nephew just got diagnosed with a genetic issue called "Common Variable Immune Deficiency". He has had this since he was born, but JUST got the diagnosis--it only took 20 years. It took a severe health crisis a couple months ago to finally start on the path to getting some answers. And apparently, it's a blooming miracle we didn't lose him from an infection at some point before now.

7 months ago, my answer to this horrible morning would be "I need a cigarette".

I have at least gotten to the point where I don't want to smoke just because I'm stressed. I've gotten it through my thick skull--finally--that "I need a cigarette" isn't an answer to what's going on, and that doing something to make myself sick isn't going make my B-I-L or my nephew well.

So...progress, I guess.

But not much, because I still don't know how to handle this shit.