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wednesday's child has dissociative identity disorder
April 20, 2011
work
Had an anniversary breakfast at work this morning. Mediocre food, some "lighthearted playfulness" (a/k/a heavy-handed & embarassing forced jocularity ) from the CEO, and a chance to hang out with some of the other old-timers for an hour, instead of working. Kind of okay, actually--even though I really don't like that sort of thing. A couple of my close-ish co-workers were up for inclusion this year (they invite people according to a weird schedule), and in the department next door, everyone has been around forever, so I sat with them and we had a good time.
My boss is making a pitch for more staff this week--we'll see what happens. I hope whoever she gets (if she's allowed to get anyone, that is) knows how to frickin' do this stuff. I'm so far over my head most of the time that I want to scream.
the "quit"
Just a little vent, because it helps to write about it--
I don't know if it is because I am trying to step down on my gum use, or if it is stress or what, but I have been having some rough times the past few days.
Way more craves, and of the physical kind, rather than the more mental "I want a cig--no I don't, I don't smoke." kind. A visceral tug at my insides, and a command that comes more from my body than my brain--SMOKE! I ride them out, but it is difficult.
It helps that I ALWAYS had limited opportunities for smoking--none of the craves are much of an issue until about 4:30 in the afternoon, because I simply wouldn't have much access to cigarettes, or the time or the place to smoke them. I've been saving my 3 pieces of gum for late in the day, but I'm not sure that is wise, either.
Oh, well, just have to keep a PMA and work through it, right? Patience, patience, patience...
Speaking of PMA--want to hear something funny? I have been doing much better in my quit since I decided to let "Casey" handle it. I am finding her upbeat nature and positivity to be much better at tackling this than my core personality. Although the Casey identity is not immune to struggle and depression, she is at heart an optimist, and as such, will fight much harder to achieve a positive outcome. Her chief job is handling my online presence at the quitting support website I use. It's funny, but she is turning out to be such a strong source of support for others. That's the other thing about Casey--she isn't just an optimist, she is an extrovert. And really, really nice! Come to think of it, she's pretty much exactly "my" opposite. (Someday, it would be nice if we could be a little bit more integrated! Please?!)
Reading:Hobby--The Island Mystery (1918), by George A. Birmingham.
Also reading: "Pieces of Hate and Other Enthusiasms" (1922), by Heywood Broun. Collected short pieces of fiction, criticism and journalism. After reading Woody Broun's "Whose Little Boy Are You? : A Memoir of the Broun Family" (1983), I have a hard time liking Heywood Broun as much as I used to. His absymal parenting and life skills, as related by his son, sort of loom large over what I'm reading. Especially since he refers to "H 3d" (Woody) about every other piece in this collection.
Listening: The Pretenders, New Order, Frente! (same song on those two, actually--Bizarre Love Triangle ), David Bowie
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