why bother
March 14, 2011

Yeah, got a bad case coming on. Everything is pointless, and my internal refrain seems to be "why bother?"

I hate this feeling, but how do you empower yourself to deal with a mental state that is brought on by feelings of powerlessness? When I have a sudden burst of awareness and realize I have no control over my life, I get depressed. And since this is more than just a fleeting, irrational feeling (I really DON'T have any), it's hard to talk myself out of the depression.

The size of it: I'm tired, I have my period, my car keeps having more and more problems, everything I'm working on at the office is spinning its wheels and going nowhere, I'm getting railroaded into going out of town on my time off next week (INCLUDING visiting my parents) instead of staying home and resting like I want to. (Thanks a friggin' LOT, Spouse!)

And then there is the good old Daylight Mind-F'ing Time. Just to shake a little extra brimstone over my own personal Hell, y'know.