A real beginning
2004-04-23, 8:48 a.m.
Blame it on mimi smartypants.
I had never heard of diaryland, but one day I was talking with a friend, and she told me to check out the writings of this amazing woman from Chicago. "You'll love her. Her mind works like yours." I was told. Checked her diary out, was instantly addicted. After a few months, I began to consider an online diary of my own. She made it look so easy, and so much fun. And after repeatedly seeing my own words and thoughts regurgitated by blogger acquaintances as their own, my position became clear. I needed a place of my own, where I could put my own brand on my words.
I don't claim to be as intelligent, funny, or interesting as the phenomenon that is ms. smartypants. I'm older, and infinitely more boring. But I've decided to keep the same voice I've always used for my journals. So with the exception of these first few entries, I am going to ignore the possibility of anyone reading this. (For the most part. I mean, I'm not going to use real names or anything. Some circumspection is required.)
And as this is merely a continuation of previous journals, anyone who would happen across it will be coming into the middle of things.
Here goes. It will be ugly, but I really need to vent.
God, I'm tired. There is nothing more exhausting than to be constantly at the mercy of the 'mood police'. I'm constantly "ON" now at work, and the energy I should be giving to getting my work done is being devoted to keeping the sensitive twits in this office from feeling crushed by my natural contempt. Here's the thing. I am an introvert, and this is hell for me. (So why am I doing this online?!)
The Facts:
Persons more introverted than extroverted tend to make decisions somewhat independently of culture, people, or things around them.
They are quiet, diligent at working alone, and socially reserved.
They may dislike being interrupted while working and may tend to forget names and faces.
Introverts are more comfortable alone.
They are stimulated by private activities like reading, listening to music, working on hobbies or projects.
They usually have a few long time friends
They are easily exhausted when interacting with large groups and need quiet, secluded time to get their energy level up again.
25% of population:
"Draw energy" from solitary activities or ones with few or no other people.
Like quiet for concentration.
Tend to be careful with details.
Dislike sweeping statements.
Have trouble remembering names and faces.
Tend not to mind working on one project for a long time uninterruptedly.
Are interested in the idea behind their job.
Dislike telephone intrusions and interruptions.
Like to think a lot before they act, sometimes without acting.
Work contentedly alone.
Have some problems communicating.
What is burning my INTJ-introverted-Libra ass is that most of these are assets in getting my job done well. The boss tells me that I am highly valued for the skills I possess and the quality of my analysis. They would truly hate to lose me. (His words, not mine) BUT--instead of cutting me the tiniest bit of slack in the perky attitude dept., I am hauled onto the managerial carpet twice in one week for lecturing about my poor team spirit. And I could accept this indignity if I was new to the position, or the boss was. But I've been doing this job, for this man, since January '01, and my attitude and demeanor have not changed. He never had a problem with me before. So what changed?
A new player in the mix. An overly sensitive woman who--and this is the literal truth--cries if you frown at her. A grown woman who simply cannot bear it if someone is a little brusque with her. Sweet Zombie Jesus. And all this emotional torture I am undergoing is to accommodate the whiny crybaby. No accommodation of the low-maintenance proven-performance, result getting, tough-cookie who has pulled his ass from the fire countless times in the past. Nope. Ignore all that, and risk permanently alienating a valued team member, in order to pacify the fount of tears he just hired.
/venting rant