ready for bed
September 17, 2005, 4:16 P.M.

I finally got my room to the point where I'm ready to bring in the new mattress and box spring. I plan on going to the furniture store tomorrow and buying it.

I still want to paint in there, and select new curtains, blinds and bedding--but it has been decided for me that I cannot go any longer without a bed that will give me a decent night's sleep. Spouse sat me down and informed me of this at about 10:30 this AM. So fine, I'll do it.

I did point out to him that there are other contributing factors to my chronic exhaustion and inability to sleep, though. Factors like the fact that I work approximately 17 hours a day, the fact that I cannot depend on him to do certain crucial tasks, the fact that every time I even consider drawing a deep breath, Uncle Sam decides we owe him more money, the fact that I'm trapped in what has turned out to be an underpaid, frustrating, unsatisfying, and dead-ended career...

But maybe I'll be better equipped to handle all that if I have a bed that doesn't beat me up every night. You gotta start somewhere.

I caught myself doing that thing again. The thing where I experience tremendous guilt for even thinking about buying something new. First, it was earlier today, when I was working on the room project and really took a look at the throw rug by my bed. And realized that it was completely shot. But found myself thinking it was good enough for now. I yelled at myself. This is a rug that I bought dirt cheap, at friggin' Big Lots, eleven years ago. It was quite literally falling to bits.

And I didn't feel I needed to replace it? What in the fuck is wrong with me?

So I ran over to K-mapart, to see if Ms. Martha* had any area rugs that I might like. They are supposed to be 1/2 off. Found a nice one, beige, rubber-backed (rubber-backing is necessary, as the bedside rugs in this house act as Raji's launching pad from hardwood floor to bed.), good size, marked $24.99. I wasn't in love, but I certainly liked it $12.50 worth. I grabbed a few household items while I was there, and since I don't go there often, so I thought I'd have a look-round and cruised through the housewares and home furnishings departments.

Where I did the thing again. I found a Martha lamp that is exactly what I've been looking for, for my bedside table. A white candlestick lamp, well-weighted in the base, with a beige shade. Well-proportioned, stable, and quite pretty. On sale for $15.00.

Which I tried to talk myself out of. Requiring another internal lecture to remind myself that yes, I did have a functional lamp, BUT--it was a $5.00 bargain special that I only bought because I had to replace a broken lamp, and that I promised myself at the time would only be around until I found the one I really wanted. It was time to keep my promise to myself. So I did.

Unfortunately, when I went to check out, the rug rang up at full price and the cashier was unwilling to mark it down. Despite the fact that the entire run of shelves where the rugs were located was plastered with signs proclaiming the 50% off sale. Well, I really only liked it $12.50 worth, so I had him remove it from my purchases. Thus leaving with everything but what I came for.

I went over to Wal-Mart next, since I still needed a rug. What a Bosch painting of hell that was. Still, I was able to find a small beige oval rug that suited my purposes and pocketbook.

Why all this beige? Well, I haven't locked down what color scheme I want yet, so any little thing I buy is going to be beige and/or white right now, as I've selected those as my neutrals. I can always change my mind, and the items will still have some versatility for use in other parts of the house.

*I'm no Martha fan, but when I find something I like in her line, I'll certainly not turn it down merely because her name is on it. Both of which points are proved by the fact that I now have a grand total of two Martha items in my house. Anyway--why not throw the old jailbird a bone?