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March 26, 2018, 8:06 P.M.
Friday was a hideous day. Everything went wrong, from my new phone acting up (a security update from Verizon caused a glitch and my screen was flickering violently for about 3 hours before it resolved), to morning traffic being a nightmare, to me getting to work, going to do my walk, and finding the treadmill missing, to every flavor of shit going wrong at work, to an equally nightmarish return commute, to (more on that below) the stinking mammogram.
Yes, I had my mammogram on Friday. They were very quick; I checked in 25 minutes before my appointment time, I was out of there by the time I had for an appointment. But the damn thing was brutal this time--I'm still sore, three days later! The tech was very friendly and had a chipper demeanor, but she practically ripped my tits off. "Here--let me shove your boob halfway to your feet, and you take a deep breath and hold still." Well, as I said--at least it was very quick.
I also did some grocery shopping on Friday, and bought a new coffee grinder. Mostly I was just trying to kill time since there was no point in driving into town and then all the way back out to the interstate for my appointment. I'm glad I got it done beforehand, though. I had some other errands I wanted to run, but after the mammogram I was wiped out, and in a very ill temper. The traffic was so bad going home from the hospital that I couldn't even change to the right lane to get to my house, and ended up having to take a detour just to get home. Fucking animals on the roads around here--they'ed sooner knife you than let you in front of them. I went home, ate something, and took a nap. Dinner was just fish, crispy crowns and salad, no big deal.
I spent my Saturday as per usual--doing "my" 90% of the laundry and housework. Nothing exciting there; just scrubbing toilets and vacuuming and working myself into a violent rage because there's nothing like housecleaning to remind you what a filth pig you married.
Speaking of whom, he kept sending me depressing texts on Saturday. First, he forwarded a very sad text from my cousin...
Cousin's lovely old puppergirl Elizabeth died over the weekend; she had a tumor on her liver which burst and caused internal bleeding, and they had to do the mercifal thing. Poor girl, she was a sweet old thing and we had a special bond, the two of us. She always recognized me when I visited and although she was quite shy with most people, she was always my special girl, full of kisses and cuddles. She was a rescue from horrific abuse, and there were lots of things she didn't like about human contact, but I think she always just knew I would never, ever hurt her and she accepted me as one of her people. I will always be grateful to her for that.
I am sure Cousin is going through hell over it. She is so tender-hearted and feels everything so strongly. I would love to call her, but it is so hard now that the time changed. I would have to stay up later than I can manage, in order to catch her when she gets home from work. I go to bed at 8:00 CDT; that is 6:00 Phoenix time and she is still two hours away from closing up her office at that point.
The other thing he sent depressing texts about: Spouse's job/schedule may change. His boss asked him to take the receiving clerk position, which is a 5-day schedule, Mon-Fri. Which is nice. Unfortunately, it is also an 11 to 7 job. He told his boss that and she said they could make it 10-6. Which still sucks, but not as much. And with my schedule changing next week, it would work pretty well to have him get home later, since I will be getting home later myself.
The job itself is semi-different--he is already doing part of it now, and it wouldn't be too hard to do the other parts once he had training. But not too taxing or stressful, it sounds like.
He hasn't decided yet, but has to give his boss an answer soon, so we will see. I told him we could manage either way, and I thought he should consider it carefully and do what was best for him. I think he's probably going to take it.
We had takeout pizza for dinner; Spouse picked it up on his way home. Made things easy for both of us.
Sunday was a decent day. I made myself fresh ground, fresh-brewed coffee that was an absolute delight, then cooked myself a nice breakfast casserole that used up some bits of leftovers. After I got the kitchen cleaned up, I ran through a to-do list full of little things like "put the new screen protector from Amazon on my phone" and "work on getting the spot out of your Jessica Simpson blouse".
The phone cover went pretty well, although I am utter crap at that sort of thing. It isn't perfect; I had to move it twice to get it right. But even with that, it is better than the one from Verizon! I did it in the bathroom, after my shower, when the steam had settled the dust and my hands were free of oils. The kit I bought was really nice, and it had the screen wipes, "dust dabbers", and positioning tabs included. So basically, I am way happier with my two-dollar screen, and I am way happier that Spouse got Verizon to issue a refund credit for the crappy one.
I did manage to leave the house on Sunday. Go me.
I had to finish my shopping, and fill up and wash my car. Festival was having a meat sale and I got a turkey breast for only $7.00 and a 6-pound ham for $5.35!I lucked out and only had to go to the grocery store to complete my shopping list. I needed deodorant and a new toothbrush, and they had both on sale, so I didn't need to stop at the drugstore. Even the Kwik-Trip was fairly quiet, and I didn't have to wait too much for the carwash.
Once I had everything on my list done, and was back home again, it was still only just noon--so I killed a couple of hours by making a batch of chocolate chip cookies. But even that doesn't seem to use up as much time as it used to; I have the whole thing nailed for efficiency at this point and it goes like clockwork.
There were plenty of things I could have done to keep busy, but I just sat on my ass and read and played around on the internet. Lazy thing, me.
Or it could be just that my depression is getting worse, possibly because it's almost April and still in the 20s-30s? And because I am sincerely dreading next week, with the mandatory schedule change at work. It is a definite turn for the worse--I just know it. For starters, it will cost me more of my day, commuting at a busier time. And if I don't get here early enough to snag it, then there goes my halfway-decent parking space. More having to fight like a fool just to get to a place I don't want to be. Where none of us wants to be anymore. Everyone is so demoralized by the various flavors of bad management that it is torture just to have to be there. I have to do something. I wish I knew what.
Reading:Read a couple more Ruth Sawyer books: "The Primrose Ring", 1915, and "The Silver Sixpence", 1921. And just starting a re-read of
"The Camerons of Highboro" (1919), by Beth B. Gilchrist.
Listening: The Killers, The Black Crowes, The Decemberists, Dan Auerbach.
Inked Up: Bexley 10th Anniversary with custom italic nib/R&K Blu Mare, Conklin Duragraph fine nib/Pelikan 4001 Brilliant Brown, Sheaffer Javelin medium nib/Sheaffer Skrip Emerald Green, Pilot Varsity/pink
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