panic
,

I have been working on doing some posts, but haven't been able to finish anything due to a bad surge of anxiety the past couple of weeks.

People & events have been pulling all my triggers, resulting in panic attacks, sleepless nights, and the usual catastrophic thinking that goes along with that.

I can write my way through depression, but not anxiety. An anxiety jag is like a series of electric shocks, disrupting my thinking, and making me feel physically weak. Depression may bring a lack of perspective, but anxiety completely disrupts my though processes--my brain gets hijacked.

And it feeds on itself. Anxiety leads to lack of sleep, which leads to more anxiety + exhaustion, which leads to making stupid mistakes, which provides more things to panic about, which leads to catastrophizing out-of-control, which leads to full-on panic attacks.

No shit--I have caught myself more than once this week, in full-fledged freakout mode. Cornered, trembling, wide-eyed, and helpless.

I have actually been trying to lean on Spouse for support, for once, but with mixed results. He's being as supportive as he can (which, granted, isn't much, but he's trying), but I think I've triggered HIM a couple of times.

So, anyway--I'm still alive, I'm still here, I'm just dealing with some stuff.