slightly less fraught
April 24, 2017

Well, the good news is, I'm sleeping a little better. But I'm still feeling tired. I stopped the guided meditation, since it seemed to be making the sleeping thing worse. My anxiety is still soaring, but I am getting some long, drawn-out projects at work slooooowly wrapped up, so that is helping a little.

I talked to my dad, finally--I called and left a message on Wednesday after work, he called me back on Thursday after work. He seems to be perking up with the coming of spring. He is making himself a workshop in the garage, and planning some woodworking projects, fishing trips, and other activities to keep him busier. I told him he could make me a new birdhouse planter, since my old one is getting kind of rickety. And I reminded him that some fishing pole racks would be something he could make to sell, that guys would buy, if he decided he wanted to do craft shows. we had a fun chat about stuff.

It was a cool and breezy, but sunny weekend, and I think that helped my mood a little, but I still just feel so draggy and unmotivated, it is all I can do to make myself do the housework.

But Spouse: doing better. No longer using the cane, able to walk and stand more comfortably. I know he's feeling better because he's nterested in doing a few things he enjoys--he made a fantastic cream of chicken-rice soup for dinner on Sunday. He and I did it together, actually, and I think he liked that I was in there pitching in--doing some of the prep steps, and cleaning up the messes.

Since he is about to go down to one pill a day on his blood thinners, I didn't have to make him anything to have with his morning pills this week, so I skipped doing any baking. Left me more time and energy to spend on playing in the kitchen with him!

We both indulged our hobbies over the weekend--him with the cooking, me by throwing a bunch of stuff at tumblr. I've been trying to decide if tumblr productivity is "real" productivity...essentially, trying to determine the validity of tumblr as a hobby. Jury is still out.

We also stuck our toes into the waters of lawn work--neither of us is particularly enthusiastic about it, but again, we shared the load and did a quick mow & trim of the front and side yards late Sunday morning. After the neighbor mowed his, ours really looked ready for a cutting.

So emotionally, I seem to be a mess. But physically, I ain't doing too bad. I've been working on getting more fresh air and exercise, and while not really dieting, per se, I am at 29 pounds lost. Which, of course, I celebrated with a weekend of celebratory self-sabotage--eating & drinking whatever the hell I felt like, including way too much bargain-priced leftover Easter candy and one or two Cuba Libres. Why do I do that? I hate me sometimes.

Also, weirdly: My fingernails have started growing like crazy, and I am going to have to get a manicure pretty soon. (Or else do more yard work--that usually seems to make short work of any fingernails!)