for the better
February 08, 2016

In September 2002, the climate in Wisconsin was such that I ended up flying to Vermont with my two best friends, so they could be joined in a civil union by a Justice of the Peace--the closest they could come to having a wedding back then. And it was beautiful, and fun, and we had a wonderful and memorable time. It was a significant, important milestone in their relationship.

But they weren't married.

And their union wasn't recognized by the State of Wisconsin. In fact, the charming state in which I dwell was, at that time, in the process of BANNING same sex marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships, and eventually wrote discrimination INTO the state constitution, by passing a constitutional amendment stating "Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state."

Wisconsin also has a marriage evasion law, which established criminal penalties of up to nine months imprisonment and a fine up to $10,000 for leaving the state to contract a marriage that would not be valid in the state (in 2008, several states had similar laws, but Wisconsin's provided the harshest penalties.). The law was designed to prevent fraud on the part of someone too young to marry legally in Wisconsin, so it's application to same-sex marriages was disputed--but it could, in theory, have been applied as such, therefore CRIMINALIZING those Wisconsin residents who sought to obtain a legal marriage elsewhere.

And now it is February 2016. Thirteen and a half years later, and twenty-four years since they became a couple.

Last week, they went to the courthouse and took out a marriage license. And on Saturday, in a rented hall just four blocks from their house, surrounded by friends and family members, they got married. They stood before an ordained Episcopal priest and exchanged their vows and rings in a traditional religious ceremony. They signed their documents, posed for photos, cut their cake, ate mostaccioli and chicken, and danced to "YMCA" and "The Electric Slide".

And in southeast Wisconsin--you don't get any more married than THAT.