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booby prize
January 13, 2016

It was still bitter this morning, and I don't really ever get warm--when I'm outside of my electric covers, anyway--when the weather is like that. It is "warming up" today--the low-to-mid 20s. Still miserable, IMO.


Work is straining me a bit at the moment as well; I really don't feel like describing the situation; it's really the old SSDD kind of thing. Nothing ever changes--at least for the better. Sunday is my official 20-year anniversary, and I get to pick a gift. The choices suck--either things I'd never want, or things I already have, or things that are seriously over-valued. From what I can tell from price-checking some of the items, , the value should be about $100. But there are a couple of things on the list that really aren't worth anywhere near that.

I went with the MP3 player; Mr. Pilkington is getting pretty old and he doesn't hold a charge for very long anymore. Plus, one gig was never really big enough. This one is 16-gig. And per online sources, it's a pretty solid c-note, give or take a buck or two. Might as well get the full value out of it.
I can't believe how fast January is going by--I wanted to lose a few pounds before my trip, but I don't know whether I will be able to or not--I am seriously lacking in drive at the moment, and it's already down to one month till takeoff! And three to the wedding, which I am strangely unable to get into much. I think it is because, in my mind, we've already done this, and they've been married for 13 years and change. I worked my ass off to make that wedding happen, and spent no small amount of cash in the process. They had a beautiful commitment ceremony in a wooded Vermont glade, we all wore custom-made fancy dresses, carried flowers, and drank champers and cut cake and all that. Really, this is just--paperwork. They could've done it in five minutes, and for about $20. My husband volunteered to do a ceremony for them for free!

That would have been good enough for me, I guess. But I kind of understand that they also want their traditional Wisconsin wedding, with a preacher, and mostacioli & fried chicken, and a DJ playing the Chicken Dance. None of that is my thing, personally. I don't get into it--but I do get it.

As for a gift--they have an Amazon wish list, but the stuff on it is kind of...out there, as wedding presents go. I will probably just get them a gift card.

Or--maybe I'll hire an electrician to fix their stove wiring for them. I can't even describe how irritating it is to hear them complain that they can't use their oven because the electrical hookup is jacked, and they can't afford to fix it...

...when they're dropping a small fortune on an unnecessary wedding and a DisneyWorld honeymoon.

I KNOW it's bitchy and judgy and mean of me to think that way, but I really can't help it. I need to get it off my chest, so I can get past it.
I don't know. Maybe it's age and experience. Maybe it's Zen, maybe it's Zoloft. But I just feel, more and more every day, that nothing is worth anything. There isn't a single effing thing in this world that is BIG and IMPORTANT enough to get worked up about. So many people have goals, ambitions, priorities, agendas...not me. I just want to get through this life and into the dirt before the whole planet implodes, and that's pretty much it.




Reading: "Ruth Fielding at the War Front or, The Hunt for the Lost Soldier" (1918) by Alice B. Emerson, and "Below Stairs; A Memoir" (1968), by Margaret Powell. Except I haven't been, really--I've just been so tired I can't get into reading. I feel like it requires more of a time and attention commitment than I can give it.

Listening: Graham Parker, Paul Westerberg, Alabama Shakes, Shakey Graves, The Velvet Underground.

Inked Up: Custom teal shade in the Konrad, the X750 inked with Black Swan/Aus. Roses, the Claria with Ku-Jaku, the Duragraph with Brilliant Brown, and the Artista with Monteverde burgundy. I've been switching between them, so I haven't written anything out yet. I finally got a bit of a flow in the Konrad, but nothing like it should be. We'll see if the new feed makes a difference; it shipped and should be here in the next couple days.

recede - proceed

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