my man has fleas
January 06, 2016

One of the biggest "fleas" my husband acquired from his upbringing is the total lack of tolerance for not getting his own way. Now, I don't know if this stems from some childhood vow that when he grew up, he was going to do whatever he wanted, or because he saw his mother live like she owned the world, and thought that that's what happens naturaly, when you are grown. (And maybe it isn't a flea--maybe he's just as much of a Narc as our mothers were. He certainly carries enough of the traits. It is a distinct possibility that I didn't "marry my father", but married my MOTHER.)

I deal with this a lot--mostly by not dealing with it. In short? I let him have his way.

Because one of the lessons learned in my childhod was that I did not make the rules, or get a vote, or have any right to voice my opinions.

On the rare occasion when I feel like I really need to put my foot down, it is because of some good, solid, reasonable, and completely necessary reason.

And his response is anything but reasonable. He turns into a pouty, stubborn, brat.

SO. Anyway-- today I get sucked into this text conversation:
HE: Don't mean to bother you but see if you can get the week of June ____ off for vacation. It's under a grand to fly out on _____ and stay at the _____ for Sunday through Thursday.
(between the lines: I want to go to LV and so I am planning a vacation for the two of us without ever consulting you, and I expect you to just go along with it.)
ME: I don't know that we should go; I don't want to be a meanie, but we need to maybe think about staying home, and getting the work done on the house--roofers, painting, etc. (between the lines: Here we go again. The house is falling down around our ears and he just wants to blow through money and time instead of taking care of things, so I have to be the grownup.)
HE: Okay.
(between the lines: WAAAHHHH!!! SOMEBODY IS TELLING ME NO!!!)
HE: Don't worry about dinner tonight. Make something for yourself.
(between the lines: NOBODY LIKES ME, EVERYBODY HATES ME, GUESS I'LL GO EAT WORMS!)
ME: Are you upset with me? I'm sorry, honey. I know you deserve a nice vacation. But I don't want to lose sight of stuff that needs to be done. Can we please talk it over tonite? If we do some planning, there isn't any reason we can't do both. I apologize for crapping on your idea, and I will request that week off, just in case. I love you. <3
(between the lines: Sigh. I should have known. Welp--maybe I can reason with him--even though that never, ever works.)
HE: Let it drop.
(between the lines: Nope. Gonna be a pouty baby. Nyah.)
ME: Okay. Later. (between the lines: Right. Okay--I give up.)

So he managed to pretty much ruin my day. I was upset and miserable all day, and when he got home, he was still deep in the throes of his temper tantrum / pity party. I took him at his word and didn't make any dinner. I tried to have a reasonable conversation about the situation. Nothing was going to go my way, so I backed off. I wanted to just go somewhere to get out of the house, but at that time of day, I can't even get out of my driveway because of the steady stream on traffic. So I just went to my room, closed the door, and read a book until HE went to bed, then made a sandwich, and watched "The Big Fat Quiz of Everything" on YouTube, while playing Bookworm on the side. And I ate two leftover pieces of Christmas candy.

And now I'm going to bed. No idea how it will be tomorrow, and I don't much care. I'm going to do what I think is best, and he can do likewise, so whatever. Too tired and depressed to deal with it.