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no clever title springs to mind
June 4, 2014
Garden updates: since I needed small stepping stones for my small garden (so I wouldn't tear my feet up on rough mulch), and since you can't find small ones easily, I bought a 14"x14" square one made of recycled rubber, and Spouse cut it into 4 equal 7"x7" squares, perfect for me to get where I need to without being to obtrusive or me having to wade through the wood chips.
And then I found an adorable stone on clearance for $5.29 at the drug store, with a silhuette of Pooh and Piglet on it. So I have 4 practicals, and 1 ornamental. All plants are doing nicely, and the bird bath is starting to get noticed by the neighborhood birds.
Pool updates: We got the winter cover off, the water level up, the new pump plumbed & wired in, the filter cleaned, initial chemicals added, and the new solar blanket on, plus the old solar cover, damaged cover cushion, and the worn-out winter cover are all bagged up for the trash man. We will need to test the water, adjust the chemicals, put the ladder in, and do some thorough cleaning & vacuuming, then the pool will be open for business. Cold, but open.
Health updates: I am having another struggle with the mood. The stress level is spiking again, and that is always problematic. Getting more fresh air, exercise, and sunshine helps--but only so much. Physically, I am trying to be better, but I really need to go get my shoulder, hip and low back straightened out. It is hard to get exercise when you are out of whack by this much. By the time I get to the end of the day, my right leg is as dumb as a fence post.
I have a follow-up with the doctor in a couple of weeks, on the levothyroxine and sertraline dosage changes. They are going to want to know if I feel better, and I honestly don't know how to answer that. Do I have more energy? Do I feel less depressed? How am I coping?
Energy--yeah, sometimes. I can pull it together and get shit done on occasion. I am stretching more, walking more. But crashing more, too. No stamina. Start more than I can finish. I still lack focus and motivation and discipline.
Do I feel less depressed? I try, but life is still flinging its poo at me in a category 5 chimp-out. Personally and generally, I feel like life is more than I am able to--or even want to be able to--handle. The world is a horrible place, full of people I don't like, and I find it difficult to want to be in it or of it. The medicine can only blunt my anxiety, not make my actual worries and burdens disappear.
So...I guess the answer to the coping question is obvious, huh?
Maybe I need to see a therapist. Really see one, this time--for my mental disorder(s), and not just for "brushing up my coping skills".
Reading: I keep trying to get into reading something that isn't a hundred years old, but I am failing pretty consistently. I've abandoned so many books lately that I can't claim to be reading anything at the moment. I got a library book about The Queen Mum that I thought would be interesting, but it turned out to be by a strange poison-pen type with questionable sources. And full of strange theories about the conception/parentage of multiple generations of royals. (It was called "The Queen Mother: The Untold Story of Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, Who Became Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother" c.2012 by Lady Colin Campbell)
Listening: Steely Dan, "Showbiz Kids".
At Random:
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