blur
September 25, 2013

Okay, I seem to have a problem with keeping a diary: either my life is so dull that I have nothing to write about, or it is so hectic that I have no time to write about it. Then there is this: if I have a week that is full tilt, by the time I get a chance to write about it, I find I can't recall enough detail to do so. Frankly, it's all a bit of a blur.

I had my last therapy session last Friday. Therapist said there were reasons to keep going (naturally!) but as far as the specific issue--stress--that I came in for goes, I seemed to be doing much better. And since the EAP only pays for 6, and I can't afford more (insurance covers, but it would be all deductible for me at this point)...finis.

I think he was disappointed, though. If I continued under the insurance, we would be mandated to dig deep, and I think he really wanted to. I am disappointed too, but not because I wanted that. I most certainly don't have the emotional wherewithal to deal with all that. I would have liked to just go on as we had been, though. It was doing me a lot of good, even without getting at the root of all my issues. I am really going to miss Jon.

It is crazytime at work, and the Pennsylvania person who oversees my stuff has been in �ber-crazy slave driver mode. I try to stay upbeat and not let on that I'm pooped out & going nutty. But it doesn't do me any good to not have a meltdown, because if it doesn't come out one way, it comes out another. For instance-- I forget things (Go to a specific store just because they carry my brand of lowfat cheese sticks. Walk in, buy grapes, and walk out--without cheese).
I misplace things (B's ear medicine: after we searched the house, Spouse eventually found it in the laundry basket).
I do stupid stuff, absent-mindedly (Locked my keys in the Ford yesterday morning, and didn't realize it until time to go home. Spouse had to make a 62-mile round trip to unlock the car for me, and we ended up not getting home until 5:30).
In short, my brain turns to swiss cheese.

Anyway. Work is not only crazy with stuff that has to be done. It is a given at that place that if your workload is off the charts, that is precisely when you will be expected to give up whacking great hunks of time to employee meetings, round-table discussions, fire drills, and other unproductive time sucks. So you end up with even less time in which to do the stuff you didn't have enough time to do in the first place. GRR. Very, very very stress-inducing. Good thing I had a nice, uneventful Sunday.

Oh, wait�no I didn�t. (that can wait for the next entry, though.)