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anxiety issues
September 10, 2013
Having a ton of anxiety this week. Some has a recognizable source; some is just the free-floating, general anxiety that pops up from time to time, usually triggered by the specific stuff. Once my mind finds something to worry about, then it finds everything to worry about.
And that causes problems. Sleep problems, teh sadness problems, temper problems, hypersensitivity problems, yada yada yada. Oh...and here's a kicker: I have an appetite that responds very enthusiastically to anxiety, and when I get all wound up, I am voracious. Violent, insistent hunger pangs that override thought and logic and send me racing to the fridge. Ugh.
But I am trying keep at it with my coping tools, writing posts and swimming and trying to keep a "positive mental attitude" (no therapy appointment last week, but going on Friday). Taking the meds, taking the thyroxine, taking the vitamins. Doing my best to not pig out on junk food. It all takes work, though.
I guess the goal isn't necessarily to be care-free, but rather to weather the storms without sinking.
WARNING: THERAPEUTIC RANTS AHEAD.
Spouse is a constant source of aggro, as his mental state, physical state, and old habits of shiftiness and deceit continue to make their presence known to me. I love him, but damn, he's a handful.
He went in for his ProTime INR blood draw today, and ended up in the ER, because his leg is being very nasty. Ultrasound, radiologist's reading, and all that jazz. And all they said was it was normal, he's on it too much, needs to keep it elevated more, and that the original DVT clot was smaller than it was at his last ultrasound. Well, good to know, I guess.
Work is crazy-making this week (even more so than usual), due to discovery of some system probs that really should be fixed, but will more likely be handled with workarounds and makeshifts. I would be okay with this if it wasn't brand new technology that cost the earth and isn't working the way we need it to.
Plus, we're having a heatwave, which means they blast the air and it's cold enough to see your breath in that office.
And that's just the work--the people are several hundred additional layers of hell on earth. I swear, I didn't have to deal with as many cases of bad manners, poor hygiene, and shite attitude when I worked at Wally World! A college education does not include etiquette lessons, I guess.
Mom and Dad are doing okay health-wise (this week), but Dad is driving me JUST a tiny bit crazy, what with needing tech support with his new smartphone, his old desktop, and even the Facebook pages. I don't mind, I guess, but it is really hard to be useful at a distance. I think that part of it is his desire to call me, and utter inability to call anyone "just because". He HAS to have a solid, businesslike reason, or he won't call. Since I am his default tech support and SysAdmin, he'll use tech issues as an excuse to call me.
He was getting kind of down on himself for not being as good with the new smartphone as he would like, but I reminded him that he's pretty darned tech-savvy for a 77-year-old, and he needs to not just focus on what he doesn't know, but to give himself a pat on the back for everything he's learned over the years. He knows a ton, and certainly way more than his middle son, that's for sure. I think that perked him up a little, because he let out a smug little chuckle and said I wasn't the first person to tell him that.
And he does get tech support out of me, too. When he started moaning about not understanding how to tweak his Fb settings, I drew him out on what he wanted, then just went into his page on Sunday night and changed them myself. So much simpler, really. (Have I mentioned that he's very nearly deaf? Fun times.)
So that's my life this week.
Reading: "Peter Cotterell's Treasure" (1922), by Rupert Sargent Holland. A young men's mystery/adventure story that seems to be better written than many from that era. I'm not very far into it, so I can't yet say if the quality of the plot matches up with the quality of the prose.
Link
Listening: On the way to work: Les Miserables 10th Anniversary Concert.
Mid-morning: The Airborne Toxic Event, Foster The People, Mumford & Sons,
Of Monsters and Men, Arcade Fire, and Gavin DeGraw.
Later in the day:--Concrete Blonde, Garbage, Train, and Matchbox 20.
Very much need my music today.
At Random:
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