deep sh*t
July 30, 2013, 7:42 P.M.

Excuse the lack of updates; I'm trying desperately to hold it together right now and I simply haven't got the time or the energy to write about it at length, so here is a quick update:

Mom's condition appears to be deteriorating, my dad managed to get MRSA in his leg, Spouse developed a nasty blood clot AND a pretty severe depressive episode, and my the fallout of my own physical was: I have anemia, my hypothtroidism is off-the-rails again (well no fucking shit), and I'm working on my own moderate-to-severe case of depression (Rx: Zoloft and therapy).

Between my mom's medical issues, my dad's medical issues, my husbands medical issues and (trailing along in last place, as usual) my own medical issues, plus me working too hard, Spouse not working at all, and the adverse side effects of our various medications making everything just that much worse, I am ready to lay down and give up.

As usual, if I have an issue, he has a crisis, so I can never be allowed to practice anything approaching adequate self-care. His depressions are opposite of mine, which further complicates the matter: He is the "no appetite, insomnia, and excessively needy" type, and I am the "sleep all day, eat for comfort, and everybody leave me the *@#& alone" type. So I have to lay there and cuddle with him and hold hands and reassure him...when I just want the earth to open up and swallow me.

Add to that the impossibility of finding a decent therapist in this hideous hell of a town. I called the EAP and they got me set up and gave me three names of eligible therapists, so I proceeded to check them out. The first two were out and out godbags, and the third was a social worker who "only does court-ordered mediations". (and all of them practice in neighborhoods I won't drive through in broad daylight with the doors locked, anyway.) But after I called the EAP back and got more names, I finally did manage to get one scheduled for Friday afternoon. At a place in a decent area, with a counselor who seems, from his online profile, to be qualified. Said profile also stands out in that it mentions nothing about "spiritual components", prayer & meditation, "christian counseling", ordained ministers, �deep and abiding faith�, etc.!

Long story short...things are...going. They are just not going well.