calling it: officially depressed
July 09, 2018, 8:50 P.M.

I'm definitely depressed. I'm also pissed about how futile it is to try and get any help for it that isn't a drug. And I don't want to talk about it, so I'm not going to.

Blew off an informal reunion with high school classmates over the weekend--some of whom I actually liked. I just didn't feel like bothering. I don't feel much like bothering about anything, these days. Or anyone.

I actually got in the (filthy, disgusting) pool on Sunday. I vaccumed as best I could for as long as I could, I couldn't skim because my leaf skimmer was all busted up, and I spent two hours in the pool and ever even got my hair wet. I don't have enough time to take care of the damned thing, AND enjoy the damned thing, and I can't enjoy it if it's dirty. Next week is supposedly "shed assembling" weekend (if they actually do pour the concrete this week.) The weekend after is the wedding. So I guess I'll just keep cleaning it when I get a chance, like I'm the fucking pool boy, until it's time to close it for the season again.

At least I lucked out and was able to stop at Meijer after work today and pick up a new skimmer for under ten bucks. I shudder to think of what that would cost me at the pool store.

I kind of decided on something to wear to the upcoming wedding. I suppose I'll drag out the dress I wore to a friend's sangeet in 2009. It might fit; it's a 24. I took it with me on the cruise last year but didn't wear it, because he weaseled out of the formal nights after spending a fortune buying himself new outfits, and after I schlepped a bunch of dressy stuff all the way to the far side of the continent.

Fortunately, nothing I own was ever in style, so it never really goes out of style, either. I certainly don't give enough of a shit about the whole thing to go through the hell of buying something new. I haven't been back to Iowa since the year my mom died (2014), and it is only because it's my least loathsome nephew who's getting married to a great woman at a child-free wedding that giving in and I'm going now.

And I still have no clue what to wear for shoes.

And because Spouse waited until after I'd secured my time off to make plans that will require me to take another day, I have to make sure to request the Friday as well as the Monday when I go in tomorrow.

Speaking of..work has been particularly awful lately. Everyone on vacation, everything blowing up, and a project that's a hellish nightmare where we never make any progress. Makes me want to scream. Maybe, someday, I will.