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I'm struggling lately
March 16, 2015
Hard to say which of my energy-sapping conditions, or what combination of said conditions, is dragging at my mood and my energy at the moment, though. It's a weird cycle, whatever is causing it. I'm feeling the increased motivation of longer days, more sunshine, and warm breezes, but I lack the energy to do much about it. I do try.
I have been working (albeit in a desultory way) on my dietary habits, on increasing my activity, and on being more productive. And there is some success. I've lost four pounds, I have been taking walks, I've been setting myself small household goals, and meeting them. I've even used the treadmill workstations at the office a couple of times. But I still have to overcome the crashing waves of fatigue that result in me spending an entire weekend's afternoons in bed, and the weird emotional sucker-punches that leave me in tears for no immediately discernable reason.
Friday after work, I did some dinner planning and shopping, came home and had some lunch, prepped some of the dinner items, and walked the dog. And I had some other stuff I would have liked to do--but I crashed and slept for three hours, instead.
Same thing on Saturday--got up, did some housework & laundry, ran errands, went shopping (bought three new summer tops), and had a sensible lunch. And crashed in the afternoon.
Sunday? Spouse made eggs, toast, and homemade corned beef hash just for me, and then I washed the dishes, groomed the dog (cleaned ears, cut nails, brushed coat, and gave him a sponge bath), finished last of the laundry, and ran the vacuum, then dismantled and cleaned the vacuum. Got cleaned up and went out to Menards and the Outlet mall to shop a little. Spouse and I both got new watches (and I snagged a cute summer purse) at the Fossil store, and I came home and walked the dog. Found out my watch needs to go back, as it doesn't run. And...crashed in the afternoon. Again.
Seeing a pattern here?
After dinner on Sunday, though, I did manage to pull my head out of my behind long enough to do the dishes and scour the kitchen sink. So I did do "more than the minimum", and managed to accomplish most of my modest goals for the weekend: Walked the dog--twice, groomed the dog, cleaned the vacuum, got the laundry caught up, scoured the sink, bought a new watch (yeah, that one needs a do-over), and got the car washed.
I wonder how much I could have gotten done if I hadn't spent an approximate 11 additional hours in bed?
In addition to having to manage my bizarre moods and appalling lack of energy, there is the additional worry about Spouse. He is having his typical Mid-March Meltdown. For some reason, he always battles a depression in March, and I've been seeing the signs for a while. I brought it up to him the other night--how he keeps thinking I am attacking him, when I am just having a conversation or asking a question. I pointed out that it was March, and that he has to be watchful of his moods, because this is historically a bad time. He took it pretty well--I think I really got it across to him that I was concerned, and not at all angry. That's a hard spot to be in--to direct his attention to it without him perceiving it as more criticism.
Well, it looks like I might be moving up in the car department. I looked into getting some financing and if Dad can manage to pry his friend's fingers off of it and get her to sell, he'll be bringing me a near-perfect 2007 Toyota Solara home from Phoenix. 28,000 original miles, and it has a sunroof, in addition to the usual bells & whistles. It's old enough to avoid that damned computer screen in the dash, new enough to be worth having. And to have an aux jack for the stereo, which will be nice. Dad said he'd probably put new tires on it, too. I hope he can get it!
I'm not sure how much he's planning on charging me--probably what he has in it at the point of sale. I know he told me the owner knows it has a blue book of $8, 500, and she won't take less than eight. But I can go up to $8, 500 easily, and up to nine grand with a slight pinch. I have to call him tonight and let him know about the finances, so I'll ask him.
We batted it back and forth, and Spouse decided he'd probably give up the PT and keep the Ford. Which I thought made sense, but he had to chew on it a bit. I think he was taken aback by the fact that I let him know I intended to buy this car, if I can...and I didn't consult him as to whether he liked it or not. Well, that is just the way it is. I want it, and I've earned it, and I can afford it--and I am (fingers crossed) going to have it. Sometimes, I just put my foot down. Not in anger, not in spite; just because it is the right thing to do. I don't do it often enough, actually. That's why it rattles him a bit.
Not much else worth mentioning this week. After having a lengthy entry disappear on me a couple weeks ago, I am having a hard time getting myself to write anything. But here it is, FWIW--another goal set & met.
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Reading:
"The Awakening of Helena Richie" (1906), by Margaret Deland. Interesting story, but way too many "N-bombs" for my comfort.
Listening:
Lorde, The Police, Alabama Shakes
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