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aimless
January 21, 2014
What is there to say? It's still bitterly cold, ridiculously snowy, and I have nothing going on in my life except work, which sucks. Winter is being a bit-ch this year.
SClub effed up my membership, told me I had to go thru my HR, and then when HR called them, they blew it off. They were supposed to call me, but never did. Fortunately, I've already gotten 35 of my 45 dollars back, due to their first screw-up. They were supposed to give me $10 back on a gift card, and keep $35, but they reversed it. And I spent it. So even if I can't get it resolved and end up going into my Sam's and fixing it, I will not be out too much. Our HR has been having nothing but trouble with them this past year, and they are about ready to stop inviting them in to sign people up.
This is one of those things that is the fault of the individual store, because of the way SClub sets all this up. I won't hold it against them Ktown, as this is clearly not their fault. But damned if I'm ever caught shopping in the V.Hills store.
Spouse is working, so I expect that he will go back to doing less around the house. But he did share dinner & dishes duties last night, plus he ran the vacuum because B is going through a very bad bout of shedding. *
Anyway--we'll see how long it all lasts. I'm sure he'll eventually drift to a stop like he always does.
I need a hobby. A real one, not just cruising reddit, watching British panel shows, and playing word games on the computer. That's all I've been doing for the last few months, and even that is beginning to pall. Spouse has his new passion for cooking, at least--I am not into anything anymore. Even my vintage books thing is much more haphazard than it used to be--I haven't updated my spreadsheet in months. I just feel so blank. Unenthusiastic. And the problem could be depression--but it could also be the anti-depressants! I know from experience that they can make me feel flat as a piece of paper.
My last real hobby was writing to Uncle. I miss doing that so much. It was a great hobby, not only for the time spent writing, but because I consciously made an effort to go out and do interesting things so that I could write and tell him about them. It was so good for us both. I could try to do it with Auntie, but it just isn't the same. Uncle and I had such a special communication. He was so cut off, and the letters gave him a special window on my life. She doesn't need me the way he did.
Sigh. I miss him so damned much.
But. I can't seem to find anything I feel like doing. I've had a number of hobbies, don't feel like going back to any of them. Can't find anything new that I can work up an interest in. I try, but it's like my brain throws up a roadblock. I'll get an overwhelming sense that it's all boring and pointless, and justnd turn away. Or I'll feel like I'm rooted in place, and I can't make a move. Part of it is money, I know. But there is more to it than that.
I told Spouse that once we get better set up, I'm thinking about getting a tablet. I don't think he's quite up on the finer points, because he seemed to think that would require a commitment to Windows 8. Well, nooo...I don't want a Kindle Fire, a Surface or other Windows-based, or an iPad; I want something that's Android-based. Possibly a Samsung.
It's just a thought, though. I may or may not.
Actually, a tablet would make more sense for him. He does almost all his net surfing on his phone these days, and hardly ever uses his laptop...while I am fine with using my netbook most of the time. But Mr. Spoiled doesn't get any more stuff--he's gotten a buttload of electronic toys since the last time I got anything. And the last time I did get anything, he got the same thing (smartphone). So it's my turn, dammit. Of course, as I say, it will have to wait until we are in better shape. Because I spent way too much on Christmas, and we have a mountain of medical bills that need to get paid off. And the three weddings this year. And because I'm the responsible one, and all.
*I'm a little worried, actually. Once you've had your dog go through catastrophic skin & coat issues, you get a little sensitive to these things. And we did change his diet again. Just have to watch it closely, I guess.
Reading: "The Phantom Lover" (1921), by Ruby M. Ayres
The Grossett and Dunlap jacket blurb: Have you not often heard of someone being in love with love, rather than the person they believed the object of their affections? That was
Esther! But she passes through the crisis into a deep and profound love. Now, I just started it, but so far it seems to be more about a guy named Mickey than a girl named Esther.
I also got back to reading "Dawn of the Morning" (1911), by Grace Livingston Hill. I keep having to put it down because of all the narcissistic a-hole characters (including, but not limited to, mothers/stepmothers) are triggering the heck out of me. Plus it's set in the 1830s which is kind of a yawn. I'm not crazy about her period books, but at least it hasn't exploded into a holy rant about evil and sin. Yet.
Listening: Sisters of Mercy, Nine Inch Nails, Wolfsheim. Pandora's in a dark mood.
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